Sunday, September 25, 2016
The Next Generation
There's a point in everyone's life where you begin to realize that death will come to us all. With my family, death is a really touchy topic, because we don't have much family. There's not really many people we can call trustworthy and strong. But, the other day, I came to the realization that I will have to be the person that needs to carry on our family. I'm the next generation, and I can't make the mistakes everyone else did. I came to the realization that, one day, I won't have people to lead me and tell me what to do. I'll need to support myself and make the right decisions. Being young, in this society and age, is really tough. But, we need to keep going forward, because that one day when our parents fall, we will have the torch to light the way for others. We will be the generation that will change everything.
Monday, September 19, 2016
Words.
Words are limited,
Lives are lost,
Tears will dry,
And life moves on.
Tell who you love how much they mean to you, because I've never been more sad in my life when someone left me and they didn't know how much they meant. Words are limited, but they mean a lot. People will leave my life, but move on. You can't change the past. So, create the future.
Lives are lost,
Tears will dry,
And life moves on.
Tell who you love how much they mean to you, because I've never been more sad in my life when someone left me and they didn't know how much they meant. Words are limited, but they mean a lot. People will leave my life, but move on. You can't change the past. So, create the future.
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Am I Mean?
Being MEAN vs. REAL
So the other day I was told that I was being mean. I totally understand why he said that, but I was just stating the truth. So now, I realized that many people have the same issue (being real is not being mean.) And now here I am writing a blog post.
First off, to prove this, we are going to look at the meanings.
mean1
mēn/
verb
1. intend to convey, indicate, or refer to (a particular thing or notion); signify."I don't know what you mean"
synonyms:
signify, convey, denote, designate, indicate, connote, show, express, spell out; More
re·al1
ˈrē(ə)l/
adjective
1. actually existing as a thing or occurring in fact; not imagined or supposed."Julius Caesar was a real person"
synonyms:
actual, nonfictional, factual, real-life; More
Now, I'm going to give some examples.
Mean: "I hate your haircut."
Honest: "Your haircut doesn't suit your face."
Mean: "Wow. Your outfit like a carnival."
Honest: "You don't match."
There's a difference. One is being plain old rude, the other is stating the facts. As you can see, there is a significant amount of difference between the two. Mean is being rude to someone. Real is stating facts. If I were trying to be mean, I would've insulted someone, and been rude. If I were trying to be realistic, I would've given facts, and stated the obvious. I never intend to be mean, unless I have to. But, sometimes, being realistic comes off as mean. When I was younger, I told my parents I wanted to be an artist. My father said, "Artists don't make good money, you would be broke." He wasn't being mean to me, he was being realistic. Now I'm hoping to begin studying Forensics, and hoping to be a photographer or detective. He saved me from doing something I would regret in the future. Being realistic isn't being mean. You sometimes need to crush someone's dreams to help them see clearly. I know that sounds bad, but it's true. Yeah, being a realist is sometimes hard. But in the end, you just saved someone from doing something they would've regret. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt my friends, but nowadays we're grown up and sometimes they need a little criticism.
Honesty is the best policy, or so they say.
Also: I will not a posting or replying as much. School is getting a little rough, so I'll be back soon. :)
So the other day I was told that I was being mean. I totally understand why he said that, but I was just stating the truth. So now, I realized that many people have the same issue (being real is not being mean.) And now here I am writing a blog post.
First off, to prove this, we are going to look at the meanings.
mean1
mēn/
verb
1. intend to convey, indicate, or refer to (a particular thing or notion); signify."I don't know what you mean"
synonyms:
signify, convey, denote, designate, indicate, connote, show, express, spell out; More
re·al1
ˈrē(ə)l/
adjective
1. actually existing as a thing or occurring in fact; not imagined or supposed."Julius Caesar was a real person"
synonyms:
actual, nonfictional, factual, real-life; More
Now, I'm going to give some examples.
Mean: "I hate your haircut."
Honest: "Your haircut doesn't suit your face."
Mean: "Wow. Your outfit like a carnival."
Honest: "You don't match."
There's a difference. One is being plain old rude, the other is stating the facts. As you can see, there is a significant amount of difference between the two. Mean is being rude to someone. Real is stating facts. If I were trying to be mean, I would've insulted someone, and been rude. If I were trying to be realistic, I would've given facts, and stated the obvious. I never intend to be mean, unless I have to. But, sometimes, being realistic comes off as mean. When I was younger, I told my parents I wanted to be an artist. My father said, "Artists don't make good money, you would be broke." He wasn't being mean to me, he was being realistic. Now I'm hoping to begin studying Forensics, and hoping to be a photographer or detective. He saved me from doing something I would regret in the future. Being realistic isn't being mean. You sometimes need to crush someone's dreams to help them see clearly. I know that sounds bad, but it's true. Yeah, being a realist is sometimes hard. But in the end, you just saved someone from doing something they would've regret. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt my friends, but nowadays we're grown up and sometimes they need a little criticism.
Honesty is the best policy, or so they say.
Also: I will not a posting or replying as much. School is getting a little rough, so I'll be back soon. :)
Monday, September 12, 2016
Heartbroken
People are crazy.
I never knew that I would be caught in a web of lies, being manipulated by someone that I thought I could trust. He said he would be there for me, he said I was his. Young love will not last. People will break your heart, and leave you to pick up the pieces alone. I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of waiting. I'm done. I try so hard to get your attention. I try so hard to be the best version of me. I'm done trying. I've done so much for you, and I got nothing. The days that I've spent worrying about you, you didn't worry about me. The tears that I shed for you, you never shed any for me. You can still say you love me. You can still say you need me. You can even say that you're there for me. But, in the end, it's not true and it was never true. I'm done, and if you (yes, you, the person reading this) have been put through something similar, you should be done, too. Be done with the person and your feelings towards them. They're not worth your time and love. It's hard to find someone, I know, but it's completely worth the wait. Never waste your time with someone that doesn't care to love you back.
You're done.
I never knew that I would be caught in a web of lies, being manipulated by someone that I thought I could trust. He said he would be there for me, he said I was his. Young love will not last. People will break your heart, and leave you to pick up the pieces alone. I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of waiting. I'm done. I try so hard to get your attention. I try so hard to be the best version of me. I'm done trying. I've done so much for you, and I got nothing. The days that I've spent worrying about you, you didn't worry about me. The tears that I shed for you, you never shed any for me. You can still say you love me. You can still say you need me. You can even say that you're there for me. But, in the end, it's not true and it was never true. I'm done, and if you (yes, you, the person reading this) have been put through something similar, you should be done, too. Be done with the person and your feelings towards them. They're not worth your time and love. It's hard to find someone, I know, but it's completely worth the wait. Never waste your time with someone that doesn't care to love you back.
You're done.
Friday, September 9, 2016
It's Holding Me Down
What is school?
School is where you get labeled and get taught unnecessary things. School is where you get identified by a number and a name. School is where you make friends and learn who you can trust. School is scary. I am still in school, and I'm still waiting to learn about real life. We don't learn about writing checks, cashing paychecks, job interviews, or anything. Life is waiting for us, and we're sitting here learning about "the types of rocks" or "geometry." That's not going to help me get a job. It might help other people, but I'm not going to be a geologist or architect. I want to be a forensic photographer, and, right now, high school is getting me nowhere in that field. I want this job, later in life, but how? How can I do this with no guidance? Well, I'm going to do what I've been doing for my whole life, do it on my own. I'm not going to give up on a realistic dream. I will work hard, on stuff that doesn't matter, and go to college. I want this, badly, and I won't give up. School will hold me down, but after all of this madness, I will rise.
School isn't where I learn about life.
School is where you get labeled and get taught unnecessary things. School is where you get identified by a number and a name. School is where you make friends and learn who you can trust. School is scary. I am still in school, and I'm still waiting to learn about real life. We don't learn about writing checks, cashing paychecks, job interviews, or anything. Life is waiting for us, and we're sitting here learning about "the types of rocks" or "geometry." That's not going to help me get a job. It might help other people, but I'm not going to be a geologist or architect. I want to be a forensic photographer, and, right now, high school is getting me nowhere in that field. I want this job, later in life, but how? How can I do this with no guidance? Well, I'm going to do what I've been doing for my whole life, do it on my own. I'm not going to give up on a realistic dream. I will work hard, on stuff that doesn't matter, and go to college. I want this, badly, and I won't give up. School will hold me down, but after all of this madness, I will rise.
School isn't where I learn about life.
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
Wasting My Time
People are crazy.
I never knew that I would be caught in a web of lies, being manipulated by someone that I thought I could trust. He said he would be there for me, he said I was his. Young love will not last. People will break your heart, and leave you to pick up the pieces alone. I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of waiting. I'm done. I try so hard to get your attention. I try so hard to be the best version of me. I'm done trying. I've done so much for you, and I got nothing. The days that I've spent worrying about you, you didn't worry about me. The tears that I shed for you, you never shed any for me. You can still say you love me. You can still say you need me. You can even say that you're there for me. But, in the end, it's not true and it was never true. I'm done, and if you (yes, you, the person reading this) have been put through something similar, you should be done, too. Be done with the person and your feelings towards them. They're not worth your time and love. It's hard to find someone, I know, but it's completely worth the wait. Never waste your time with someone that doesn't care to love you back.
You're done.
I never knew that I would be caught in a web of lies, being manipulated by someone that I thought I could trust. He said he would be there for me, he said I was his. Young love will not last. People will break your heart, and leave you to pick up the pieces alone. I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of waiting. I'm done. I try so hard to get your attention. I try so hard to be the best version of me. I'm done trying. I've done so much for you, and I got nothing. The days that I've spent worrying about you, you didn't worry about me. The tears that I shed for you, you never shed any for me. You can still say you love me. You can still say you need me. You can even say that you're there for me. But, in the end, it's not true and it was never true. I'm done, and if you (yes, you, the person reading this) have been put through something similar, you should be done, too. Be done with the person and your feelings towards them. They're not worth your time and love. It's hard to find someone, I know, but it's completely worth the wait. Never waste your time with someone that doesn't care to love you back.
You're done.
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Don't Give Up
Calm down.
There's always going to be something trying to ruin your day, sometimes your life. But don't give up. Life is meant to make mistakes and learn from them. If you just have to keep your head up and be confident, you'll find your place in the world eventually. Time is all it takes to become something amazing. I just want you to never back down. That mistakes will cost time, but you CAN'T give up. Life is rough, but you need to wake up and show the world what you're made of. You're made of bones and flesh, but what's most important is your brain. You'll get nowhere in life if you keep giving up and caring what other people think. People are rude and will take advantage of you. I don't think there's one person on this earth that wasn't mean, at least, once in their lifetime. Everyone is mean, and, sometimes, if you want something you have to step up, be assertive, and say what you want. People can't read minds, you know. Don't ever give up until you get what you want. You have to keep pushing on.
There's always going to be something trying to ruin your day, sometimes your life. But don't give up. Life is meant to make mistakes and learn from them. If you just have to keep your head up and be confident, you'll find your place in the world eventually. Time is all it takes to become something amazing. I just want you to never back down. That mistakes will cost time, but you CAN'T give up. Life is rough, but you need to wake up and show the world what you're made of. You're made of bones and flesh, but what's most important is your brain. You'll get nowhere in life if you keep giving up and caring what other people think. People are rude and will take advantage of you. I don't think there's one person on this earth that wasn't mean, at least, once in their lifetime. Everyone is mean, and, sometimes, if you want something you have to step up, be assertive, and say what you want. People can't read minds, you know. Don't ever give up until you get what you want. You have to keep pushing on.
Saturday, September 3, 2016
Movie Favorites: Part One
Who doesn't love movies? If you don't love movies, you don't belong here (jk, but honestly…just no.) But, I sometimes hate movies because they portray life as a fantasy. But, then again, I love imagination and fantasy… Uggh! I have a love/hate relationship with movies. But, anyways, grab your popcorn and enjoy the read.
[This is in so specific order]
1.) Alice in Wonderland, the old version and the new version. I love the original movie, but I can't say no to a Tim Burton film. He shows up a lot in this post, but he's an amazing director. Alice in Wonderland gives me a need to be a toddler again, so I can explore the world. So I can explore my imagination and creativity. Alice in Wonderland is a great movie, I love it so much.
2.) What's Eating Gilbert Grape? is an old movie, but it gives an important message. I'm not going to spoil it, so you better go watch it.
3.) The Nightmare Before Christmas. Tim Burton, once again, did an amazing job with this movie. I don't ever think this movie will get old.
4.) My Neighbor Totoro. Ever since I was a young girl, my aunt would never show me the movies everyone else were watching. She wanted me to be different and believe that sometimes imagination was your best friend. This movie showed me that it's okay to believe something everyone else doesn't, and that sometimes you need to communicate more. I strongly recommend this to younger audiences, because it's perfect for them.
5.) The Conjuring. One of my favorite horror movies of all times. It definitely raised the bar for horror movies because it was brilliantly directed and played. I don't think it'll ever get old.
6.) Beastly is a great movie, but better book. It showed me that there are people in the world that don't care about appearance. That if you really loved someone you wouldn't care what they looked like. I usually don't recommend romance movies, but this was beautiful.
7.) Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl. She doesn't die. Or does she? ¡SPOILER ALERT! She disappears from the earth, but I believe she didn't die. Her memory and love will always lurk and (hopefully) never die. Great movie, and I usually don't like romance movies, but I love this one.
8.) The Gallows is a good movie. It's a good horror film, but I guessed the ending. Other than that, it was scary.
Alright, that's it…for now. Let me know what your favorite movies are and if you want a part two? Have a great day, and don't forget to smile.
[This is in so specific order]
1.) Alice in Wonderland, the old version and the new version. I love the original movie, but I can't say no to a Tim Burton film. He shows up a lot in this post, but he's an amazing director. Alice in Wonderland gives me a need to be a toddler again, so I can explore the world. So I can explore my imagination and creativity. Alice in Wonderland is a great movie, I love it so much.
2.) What's Eating Gilbert Grape? is an old movie, but it gives an important message. I'm not going to spoil it, so you better go watch it.
3.) The Nightmare Before Christmas. Tim Burton, once again, did an amazing job with this movie. I don't ever think this movie will get old.
4.) My Neighbor Totoro. Ever since I was a young girl, my aunt would never show me the movies everyone else were watching. She wanted me to be different and believe that sometimes imagination was your best friend. This movie showed me that it's okay to believe something everyone else doesn't, and that sometimes you need to communicate more. I strongly recommend this to younger audiences, because it's perfect for them.
5.) The Conjuring. One of my favorite horror movies of all times. It definitely raised the bar for horror movies because it was brilliantly directed and played. I don't think it'll ever get old.
6.) Beastly is a great movie, but better book. It showed me that there are people in the world that don't care about appearance. That if you really loved someone you wouldn't care what they looked like. I usually don't recommend romance movies, but this was beautiful.
7.) Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl. She doesn't die. Or does she? ¡SPOILER ALERT! She disappears from the earth, but I believe she didn't die. Her memory and love will always lurk and (hopefully) never die. Great movie, and I usually don't like romance movies, but I love this one.
8.) The Gallows is a good movie. It's a good horror film, but I guessed the ending. Other than that, it was scary.
Alright, that's it…for now. Let me know what your favorite movies are and if you want a part two? Have a great day, and don't forget to smile.
Thursday, September 1, 2016
What Will You Do?
You choose what you want to do with your life, what this writing means to you, and who you are. Don't ever forget that.
There's nothing to say.
All there is, is an atmosphere. An atmosphere with fear and anxiety. It was like I met my inner thoughts. It was like I couldn't control who I was, anymore. I look in the mirror and ask, "Who am I?" But the mirror shatters and I'm left with the broken pieces. Picking them up, hands bloody, and trying to put it back together. The red from my hands begin to drip, and I collapse. I can still hear crying and screaming, but I am unable to move. I feel trapped. There's nothing to say, about that day. There's nothing I could do to make things better. There's nothing I can do to change the way the world views everything. Nothing. Because who am I? No one! I am just another nobody with nothing to say. But, I'm somebody to someone. But, I have something to say. But…none of that matters. Why? Because we are put down by the world, no one wants to hear the truth. The truth that the world is crazy. That, one day, I will not matter. You won't matter. Unless we make our impact on the world, now.
What will you do, to change the world?
There's nothing to say.
All there is, is an atmosphere. An atmosphere with fear and anxiety. It was like I met my inner thoughts. It was like I couldn't control who I was, anymore. I look in the mirror and ask, "Who am I?" But the mirror shatters and I'm left with the broken pieces. Picking them up, hands bloody, and trying to put it back together. The red from my hands begin to drip, and I collapse. I can still hear crying and screaming, but I am unable to move. I feel trapped. There's nothing to say, about that day. There's nothing I could do to make things better. There's nothing I can do to change the way the world views everything. Nothing. Because who am I? No one! I am just another nobody with nothing to say. But, I'm somebody to someone. But, I have something to say. But…none of that matters. Why? Because we are put down by the world, no one wants to hear the truth. The truth that the world is crazy. That, one day, I will not matter. You won't matter. Unless we make our impact on the world, now.
What will you do, to change the world?
Monday, August 29, 2016
Love.
Love is rough.
People can hurt you, without you knowing, when you think you're in love. People can control you, and manipulate you, when you think you're in love. People can be true, they could be 'perfect', but perfect isn't always what you want. Being in love is having to feel as if you're not tied down. Like, now that you're in love, you are free. Now that you've found someone that will listen and care for you, no matter what, you're happy. Or could you just be oblivious of his/her actions and ideas? You may think that you're in love, but love takes two people. They may not even love you, back. Love is rough. Shit happens and if you're not happy with your relationship, it's time for a change. Love will have tears, laughs, and hugs; but most importantly it will have happiness and memories, that can't be replaced. There will be multiple dates and people. There will be multiple tears, yelling, and saying stuff you never meant. There will be heartbreaking, sadness, and a lot of ice cream. But it was worth it, because, most likely, you will find love, one day.
You will be loved.
People can hurt you, without you knowing, when you think you're in love. People can control you, and manipulate you, when you think you're in love. People can be true, they could be 'perfect', but perfect isn't always what you want. Being in love is having to feel as if you're not tied down. Like, now that you're in love, you are free. Now that you've found someone that will listen and care for you, no matter what, you're happy. Or could you just be oblivious of his/her actions and ideas? You may think that you're in love, but love takes two people. They may not even love you, back. Love is rough. Shit happens and if you're not happy with your relationship, it's time for a change. Love will have tears, laughs, and hugs; but most importantly it will have happiness and memories, that can't be replaced. There will be multiple dates and people. There will be multiple tears, yelling, and saying stuff you never meant. There will be heartbreaking, sadness, and a lot of ice cream. But it was worth it, because, most likely, you will find love, one day.
You will be loved.
Saturday, August 27, 2016
Body Image
HEALTHY vs. SKINNY
Sitting over a trash can, sticking my finger in my mouth. Trying to be skinny. Trying to look like a model. Why? Because the world wants skinny girls and boys. Hold on. Let's back that up. Most models starve there selves, and anorexic. Wouldn't you rather be HEALTHY? Than SKINNY? Healthy is eating nutritious food and exercising daily. Skinny is starving yourself and over exercising. Healthy is being able to control your body more, and being happy. Skinny is getting lightheaded every time you stand up, and having health issues. Healthy is being able to give birth to a healthy child. Skinny is NOT being able to give birth to a healthy child. Your body is your body, if you're not healthy, change your habits. That's life, and if someone doesn't like you for your body - who cares? If you're happy with how you look, that's all that matters.
Choose the healthy lifestyle.
Sitting over a trash can, sticking my finger in my mouth. Trying to be skinny. Trying to look like a model. Why? Because the world wants skinny girls and boys. Hold on. Let's back that up. Most models starve there selves, and anorexic. Wouldn't you rather be HEALTHY? Than SKINNY? Healthy is eating nutritious food and exercising daily. Skinny is starving yourself and over exercising. Healthy is being able to control your body more, and being happy. Skinny is getting lightheaded every time you stand up, and having health issues. Healthy is being able to give birth to a healthy child. Skinny is NOT being able to give birth to a healthy child. Your body is your body, if you're not healthy, change your habits. That's life, and if someone doesn't like you for your body - who cares? If you're happy with how you look, that's all that matters.
Choose the healthy lifestyle.
Thursday, August 25, 2016
Who are We?
I'm finally back! I really hope you guys didn't miss me too much, because I know I missed you! But, anyways, my life has changed a lot - but it was for the better. I'm really happy now, and I love my life. I may be a little rusty at writing, but ignore my grammatical mistakes and awkward sentances. So, anyways, please continue reading my real post…
Who are you?
Not your name, or your family, or your friends. Who are you? What do you like? Music? TV shows? Movies? Hobbies?
On Blogger we all have a 'About Me' page, but is that who we really are? I'm going to tell you who I am, and (if you'd like to) leave a comment telling me who you are.
Who am I? When I get asked this I'm not really sure how to respond. But, today, I will. Who am I? I am Catie. A girl that will sit in her room for hours writing about nonsense. I am smart. I will study for hours, but will occasionally procrastinate. I am beautiful. I hate myself, sometimes, but I wouldn't wish to be anyone else. I am funny (or so I think I am). I will make some hilarious jokes, and will make you laugh for hours. I love horror movies and shows. I could watch the TV for hours watching horror films. My current favorites are : The Walking Dead, Fear the Walking Dead, Scream the TV Series, The Conjuring, The Lazarus Effect, and so many more. I love to read. I am an avid reader of horror and suspense. Some favorites are Fangirl, Fire Starter, The Lockdown Series, The Abundance of Katherine's, and too many to list. I am a lover of music. I will listen to my playlist all day, and it never gets old. Please check out my 'Music Favorites' post to find out my favorites! I get lonely. I don't have many friends, but I'm happy with who I do have in my life. I'm happy. I love who I am, and I love what I look like. I'm happy that I am who I am, and if you don't like who I am - well, I don't care. This is who I am.
Who are you?
Who are you?
Not your name, or your family, or your friends. Who are you? What do you like? Music? TV shows? Movies? Hobbies?
On Blogger we all have a 'About Me' page, but is that who we really are? I'm going to tell you who I am, and (if you'd like to) leave a comment telling me who you are.
Who am I? When I get asked this I'm not really sure how to respond. But, today, I will. Who am I? I am Catie. A girl that will sit in her room for hours writing about nonsense. I am smart. I will study for hours, but will occasionally procrastinate. I am beautiful. I hate myself, sometimes, but I wouldn't wish to be anyone else. I am funny (or so I think I am). I will make some hilarious jokes, and will make you laugh for hours. I love horror movies and shows. I could watch the TV for hours watching horror films. My current favorites are : The Walking Dead, Fear the Walking Dead, Scream the TV Series, The Conjuring, The Lazarus Effect, and so many more. I love to read. I am an avid reader of horror and suspense. Some favorites are Fangirl, Fire Starter, The Lockdown Series, The Abundance of Katherine's, and too many to list. I am a lover of music. I will listen to my playlist all day, and it never gets old. Please check out my 'Music Favorites' post to find out my favorites! I get lonely. I don't have many friends, but I'm happy with who I do have in my life. I'm happy. I love who I am, and I love what I look like. I'm happy that I am who I am, and if you don't like who I am - well, I don't care. This is who I am.
Who are you?
Saturday, August 20, 2016
I'll Be Back
I'm going to take a small break from writing for a little bit, but I promise I'll be back within a week or so. There's a lot going on, right now, and I need to focus on that.
Now, imagine me in terminator voice saying : "I'LL BE BACK!"
Now, imagine me in terminator voice saying : "I'LL BE BACK!"
Thursday, August 18, 2016
Awake with Ideas
I close my eyes, hoping to drift away to an alternate reality. Lying down, hoping to be carried away on a cloud.
But, my mind is too awake. I'm tired, I'm beaten down. But, I can't hide from these thoughts. The thoughts that make me wonder about everything. Like: am I supposed to be here? Or: will nature one day be inexistent? I'm scared because I don't know the answers to those questions. I'm scared because it's 2 a.m. and, for some reason, I'm still awake. I'm thriving with ideas and questions that won't happen until daybreak. Nothing good happens after 2 a.m. Speaking of, while I was on a deep Internet search I found a poem, which I want to share with you:
2:36 am
2 am is for the poets who
can’t sleep because their
minds are alive with words
for someone who’s not there.
For the alcoholics drinking
themselves into amnesia to
forget some who left.
2am is not for the lovers
asleep in each other’s arms.
It is for the lonely, the ones
who are in love with the
loved but are not loved in
return.
- L.S.
I like this poem because it's for the lonely. The ones that never get noticed, but notice everything and everyone. The lonely will thrive at night, because they will have the best ideas.
3 a.m. - time to dream.
But, my mind is too awake. I'm tired, I'm beaten down. But, I can't hide from these thoughts. The thoughts that make me wonder about everything. Like: am I supposed to be here? Or: will nature one day be inexistent? I'm scared because I don't know the answers to those questions. I'm scared because it's 2 a.m. and, for some reason, I'm still awake. I'm thriving with ideas and questions that won't happen until daybreak. Nothing good happens after 2 a.m. Speaking of, while I was on a deep Internet search I found a poem, which I want to share with you:
2:36 am
2 am is for the poets who
can’t sleep because their
minds are alive with words
for someone who’s not there.
For the alcoholics drinking
themselves into amnesia to
forget some who left.
2am is not for the lovers
asleep in each other’s arms.
It is for the lonely, the ones
who are in love with the
loved but are not loved in
return.
- L.S.
I like this poem because it's for the lonely. The ones that never get noticed, but notice everything and everyone. The lonely will thrive at night, because they will have the best ideas.
3 a.m. - time to dream.
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Words CAN Hurt
Labels.
We all get labeled in life, whether it's high school drama or a stereotype. People take being labeled different ways. Some people feel insulted or hurt. Some people feel proud or happy. It all depends on what you were labeled. Sometimes you get labeled because your appearance. People believe that if you're dressed in all black you're a cutter and listen to heavy metal. People believe that if you're dressed in high-end clothes you're spoiled and don't respect lower class. Sometimes you get labeled because your color. People believe that if you're black your hair is fake and you're going to rob a store. People believe that if you're white you listen to country and you're a redneck. People believe that if you're Asian you are from China and you automatically know another language. Sometimes you get labeled for what you like. People believe that if you like heavy metal you are hardcore and will break the rules. People believe that if you're a guy and wear pink, you're gay. Will that get in the way of your happiness? You have this privilege of saying what you want. If you are feeling like shit and you hate these labels you were given, confront the person. My whole life I let people walk over me, label me because I was different. I never stood up for myself, until now. And it feels great. Words can hurt people, and if you are hurt, don't you ever back down. Put up your guard and light them up. These labels are nothing more than words. Words that mean nothing if you don't want them to. You are in control of your life, and if you change yourself to get a better label, you fell into the trap. There's no label that is good. Don't be a labeler and fight against them.
Words will never hurt you.
We all get labeled in life, whether it's high school drama or a stereotype. People take being labeled different ways. Some people feel insulted or hurt. Some people feel proud or happy. It all depends on what you were labeled. Sometimes you get labeled because your appearance. People believe that if you're dressed in all black you're a cutter and listen to heavy metal. People believe that if you're dressed in high-end clothes you're spoiled and don't respect lower class. Sometimes you get labeled because your color. People believe that if you're black your hair is fake and you're going to rob a store. People believe that if you're white you listen to country and you're a redneck. People believe that if you're Asian you are from China and you automatically know another language. Sometimes you get labeled for what you like. People believe that if you like heavy metal you are hardcore and will break the rules. People believe that if you're a guy and wear pink, you're gay. Will that get in the way of your happiness? You have this privilege of saying what you want. If you are feeling like shit and you hate these labels you were given, confront the person. My whole life I let people walk over me, label me because I was different. I never stood up for myself, until now. And it feels great. Words can hurt people, and if you are hurt, don't you ever back down. Put up your guard and light them up. These labels are nothing more than words. Words that mean nothing if you don't want them to. You are in control of your life, and if you change yourself to get a better label, you fell into the trap. There's no label that is good. Don't be a labeler and fight against them.
Words will never hurt you.
Sunday, August 14, 2016
Music Favorites: Part Two
Hello again, world. I welcome you back into my world of music. Take a seat, any seat. But don't actually 'take' it, that's rude. Anyways, this will be a long ride. So…let's begin.
[This is in no specific order]
First, we have the X Ambassadors. Now, they hit the charts with a song called "Renegades," but have you ever heard their other songs? Their album, "VHS," has many great songs for many moods. There's "Unsteady" if you're feeling a little unsteady. There's "Jungle" if you feel like a rebellious badass. And many more. I'm really happy that I found them.
Now, we have Fall Out Boy. I've loved these guys since I began to speak (I'm lying, but just go with it.) Patrick is my little teddy bear (the awkwardness continues.) But other than that, they're music is Alternative Rock. I'm pretty sure you've heard of them, because they're popular. My favorite songs are "Dance, Dance" and "Twin Skeletons."
Next is AWOLNATION. They haven't made a song in three years, but their old songs are to die for. You may recognize them from the song "SAIL." But, that's not the only song that's great, there's more. "Kill Your Heroes" and "Jump on my Shoulders" are two of my favorites. They definitely have the whole alternative rock thing owned. You should definitely check them out.
Now we have, the adorable, Bastille. He's been coming out with a lot of good songs, lately. You may have heard him, over a year ago, with the song "Pompeii." But, he has other great songs like "Good Grief" and "Bad Blood." He definitely has somewhat of a more pop sound, but I still classify him as alternative or indie rock.
Green Day just recently released a song and announced they're going to have a new album. I'm beyond excited, because they haven't made a new album in forever.
The song "Riptide" came out awhile ago, and I never knew Vance Joy had other music! "Mess is Mine" is a great song, and it never gets old. I'm really glad I finally am listening to Vance Joy.
Magic Man is a music group that is highly underrated. I first found them by googling my name (just admit it, we all do it), and a song called "Catherine" popped up. I clicked on it and immediately fell in love. They had more songs and I listened to all of them. "Catherine" and "Paris" are my absolute favorite.
I used to watch a show on MTV called "Finding Carter" (until they rudely cancelled it), but on that show they would always link music artists on their website. A song called "Electric Love" by BØRNS was playing and I was so intrigued. I began listening to them, and they went viral (sadly). They gained a lot of fans with the song "Electric Love," but there's more. "1,000 Emerald Pools" and "Past Lives" are really good.
Linkin Park has been around for over nine years, and they recently started making music, again. They're somewhat of a popular band, and have a alternative rock and rock sound. "Points of Authority" and "In the End" are some of my favorites.
Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness has such a unique sound. They recently made a song for a Disney movie, and their fan base sky rocketed. I started listening to him awhile ago, on iTunes Radio. "High Dive" and "Cecila and the Satellite" are my favorites.
Imagine Dragons have definitely changed a lot this year. Their sound has changed, but I love it. I've been listening to them for over three years, and I have to say I love the songs "Demons" and "Friction."
That's all, for now. Leave me some music suggestions down below, and don't forget to tell me some of your favorite songs. Have a great day and stay beautiful!
[This is in no specific order]
First, we have the X Ambassadors. Now, they hit the charts with a song called "Renegades," but have you ever heard their other songs? Their album, "VHS," has many great songs for many moods. There's "Unsteady" if you're feeling a little unsteady. There's "Jungle" if you feel like a rebellious badass. And many more. I'm really happy that I found them.
Now, we have Fall Out Boy. I've loved these guys since I began to speak (I'm lying, but just go with it.) Patrick is my little teddy bear (the awkwardness continues.) But other than that, they're music is Alternative Rock. I'm pretty sure you've heard of them, because they're popular. My favorite songs are "Dance, Dance" and "Twin Skeletons."
Next is AWOLNATION. They haven't made a song in three years, but their old songs are to die for. You may recognize them from the song "SAIL." But, that's not the only song that's great, there's more. "Kill Your Heroes" and "Jump on my Shoulders" are two of my favorites. They definitely have the whole alternative rock thing owned. You should definitely check them out.
Now we have, the adorable, Bastille. He's been coming out with a lot of good songs, lately. You may have heard him, over a year ago, with the song "Pompeii." But, he has other great songs like "Good Grief" and "Bad Blood." He definitely has somewhat of a more pop sound, but I still classify him as alternative or indie rock.
Green Day just recently released a song and announced they're going to have a new album. I'm beyond excited, because they haven't made a new album in forever.
The song "Riptide" came out awhile ago, and I never knew Vance Joy had other music! "Mess is Mine" is a great song, and it never gets old. I'm really glad I finally am listening to Vance Joy.
Magic Man is a music group that is highly underrated. I first found them by googling my name (just admit it, we all do it), and a song called "Catherine" popped up. I clicked on it and immediately fell in love. They had more songs and I listened to all of them. "Catherine" and "Paris" are my absolute favorite.
I used to watch a show on MTV called "Finding Carter" (until they rudely cancelled it), but on that show they would always link music artists on their website. A song called "Electric Love" by BØRNS was playing and I was so intrigued. I began listening to them, and they went viral (sadly). They gained a lot of fans with the song "Electric Love," but there's more. "1,000 Emerald Pools" and "Past Lives" are really good.
Linkin Park has been around for over nine years, and they recently started making music, again. They're somewhat of a popular band, and have a alternative rock and rock sound. "Points of Authority" and "In the End" are some of my favorites.
Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness has such a unique sound. They recently made a song for a Disney movie, and their fan base sky rocketed. I started listening to him awhile ago, on iTunes Radio. "High Dive" and "Cecila and the Satellite" are my favorites.
Imagine Dragons have definitely changed a lot this year. Their sound has changed, but I love it. I've been listening to them for over three years, and I have to say I love the songs "Demons" and "Friction."
That's all, for now. Leave me some music suggestions down below, and don't forget to tell me some of your favorite songs. Have a great day and stay beautiful!
Friday, August 12, 2016
Music Favorites: Part One
Welcome to my world of music. I am addicted to music, and somehow the addiction gets worse (in my sense better) each day. So take a seat (you may be here for awhile) and enjoy the read.
[These aren't in any specific order]
First off, we have twenty øne piløts. I've been listening to them since the single "House of Gold" but this year they really increased the fan base. Since their album Blurryface was released, they went on tour and hit top ten songs of the month (March) with the song "Stressed Out." Their music is so relatable and can suit many moods. It's a mixture of reggae, alternative rock, indie, rock, pop, electropop, and so many more. Not only do they have great music, but their personalities are out of this world.
Next, we have Jon Bellion. Not many people know about this musician, but he is amazingly talented. He just released the album "The Human Condition" a few months ago, and I've been obsessed. I got into his music by a boy in my history class, and I hated the music, at first. But, I started listening to his older album, "The Separation," and got hooked. My favorite songs are "2 Rocking Chairs" and "Fashion." He is more of a pop genre of music, which I tend to stay away from, but he can sing. Not like some fake Selena Gomez voice with all of those edits, but a genuine voice that can sing without any mixers or altercations.
The Neighbourhood has been one of my favorites since last year. Their album "Wiped Out" has never gotten old. Jesse's voice is amazing and the band can really play. You might recognize them from their more popular single "Sweater Weather," that came out over three years ago. My favorite songs are "Afraid" and "Daddy Issues." They have a indie vibe to their music, mixed with a little R&B and alternative. I love their music and I wish they would make new songs.
Arctic Monkeys have been around for awhile, now. They have tons of songs that I enjoy, but they're underrated. They haven't produced any music in a few years, but the oldies are goodies. "Florescence Adolescent" and "Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High?" are my favorites. If you've never heard of them, you haven't lived.
This band is playing with my mind. They've been around forever. And it's My Chemical Romance. I love this band, but it kills me that they haven't reunited, yet. I especially love the songs "Teenagers" and "Helena." I don't think they'll ever disappear in the music world, although they stopped making music. I'll never forget you.
Melanie Martinez has been getting a lot of publicity, lately. She has gained a lot of fans, but has definitely gained haters, too. Her music style is very indie, but very pop. She has been on the Voice and she could've won, if Adam Levine tried not to change her style (no offense Adam, I still love you.) But her music style is so unique and I love her songs. My song favorites are "Dollhouse" and "Training Wheels." I hope she keeps making music.
Then, there's Bishop Briggs. She only has three songs out, at the moment, but she's killing it. She is so tumblr (I had to say it, she is the definition of a tumblr girl). She can sing, her style is so cute. I love her. You may have heard her in a car commercial, she sings "Wild Horses." She needs to come out with more music, soon.
We now have Halsey! I think Halsey is such a badass woman and an amazing musician. Her voice is something from another dimension. Her songs are beautifully written. Her hair is flawless. Her posters are so creative. If I could have a best friend, it'd be Halsey (or her actual name Ashley, it'd be tiring saying Halsey all the time!) "Trouble" and "Castle" are my favorite songs. You may have heard her on commercials and on the the soundtrack for "Snow White and The Huntsman: Winters War." I can't wait to see what's next for her.
Panic! At The Disco is my life. They've been making music for over seven years, and Brendon Urie (lead singer) just got married not too long ago! Their album "Death of a Bachelor" was one of the top selling albums, this year. I love how genuine his voice is and how great his personality is. My favorite songs are "LA Devotee" and "Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time."
So those are some of my favorite musicians and songs. I do have more, but I don't want you to spend all day reading this. Also, side note, I find it amusing that I take time to write this, but not an essay (sorry, not sorry!). I hope you liked it, and leave me comments on what your favorite music is. I have to go, before my fingers fall off from typing so much… Have a good day!
Also, this is a part one (as you can tell), there will be a part two in the future (if I don't forget.)
[These aren't in any specific order]
First off, we have twenty øne piløts. I've been listening to them since the single "House of Gold" but this year they really increased the fan base. Since their album Blurryface was released, they went on tour and hit top ten songs of the month (March) with the song "Stressed Out." Their music is so relatable and can suit many moods. It's a mixture of reggae, alternative rock, indie, rock, pop, electropop, and so many more. Not only do they have great music, but their personalities are out of this world.
Next, we have Jon Bellion. Not many people know about this musician, but he is amazingly talented. He just released the album "The Human Condition" a few months ago, and I've been obsessed. I got into his music by a boy in my history class, and I hated the music, at first. But, I started listening to his older album, "The Separation," and got hooked. My favorite songs are "2 Rocking Chairs" and "Fashion." He is more of a pop genre of music, which I tend to stay away from, but he can sing. Not like some fake Selena Gomez voice with all of those edits, but a genuine voice that can sing without any mixers or altercations.
The Neighbourhood has been one of my favorites since last year. Their album "Wiped Out" has never gotten old. Jesse's voice is amazing and the band can really play. You might recognize them from their more popular single "Sweater Weather," that came out over three years ago. My favorite songs are "Afraid" and "Daddy Issues." They have a indie vibe to their music, mixed with a little R&B and alternative. I love their music and I wish they would make new songs.
Arctic Monkeys have been around for awhile, now. They have tons of songs that I enjoy, but they're underrated. They haven't produced any music in a few years, but the oldies are goodies. "Florescence Adolescent" and "Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High?" are my favorites. If you've never heard of them, you haven't lived.
This band is playing with my mind. They've been around forever. And it's My Chemical Romance. I love this band, but it kills me that they haven't reunited, yet. I especially love the songs "Teenagers" and "Helena." I don't think they'll ever disappear in the music world, although they stopped making music. I'll never forget you.
Melanie Martinez has been getting a lot of publicity, lately. She has gained a lot of fans, but has definitely gained haters, too. Her music style is very indie, but very pop. She has been on the Voice and she could've won, if Adam Levine tried not to change her style (no offense Adam, I still love you.) But her music style is so unique and I love her songs. My song favorites are "Dollhouse" and "Training Wheels." I hope she keeps making music.
Then, there's Bishop Briggs. She only has three songs out, at the moment, but she's killing it. She is so tumblr (I had to say it, she is the definition of a tumblr girl). She can sing, her style is so cute. I love her. You may have heard her in a car commercial, she sings "Wild Horses." She needs to come out with more music, soon.
We now have Halsey! I think Halsey is such a badass woman and an amazing musician. Her voice is something from another dimension. Her songs are beautifully written. Her hair is flawless. Her posters are so creative. If I could have a best friend, it'd be Halsey (or her actual name Ashley, it'd be tiring saying Halsey all the time!) "Trouble" and "Castle" are my favorite songs. You may have heard her on commercials and on the the soundtrack for "Snow White and The Huntsman: Winters War." I can't wait to see what's next for her.
Panic! At The Disco is my life. They've been making music for over seven years, and Brendon Urie (lead singer) just got married not too long ago! Their album "Death of a Bachelor" was one of the top selling albums, this year. I love how genuine his voice is and how great his personality is. My favorite songs are "LA Devotee" and "Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time."
So those are some of my favorite musicians and songs. I do have more, but I don't want you to spend all day reading this. Also, side note, I find it amusing that I take time to write this, but not an essay (sorry, not sorry!). I hope you liked it, and leave me comments on what your favorite music is. I have to go, before my fingers fall off from typing so much… Have a good day!
Also, this is a part one (as you can tell), there will be a part two in the future (if I don't forget.)
Thursday, August 11, 2016
The Mile
…and thus begins Catie's poetry journey…
Do I belong here?
Alone and with fear?
Do I look happy?
Or rude and snappy?
I need a break,
Because my smile is so fake.
I may be mad,
Or just extremely sad.
I find my away around,
But no one dares to make a sound.
Some people are beat up inside,
Some people just want to hide.
I try to sleep a night,
But my mind has a constant fight.
I try not to look upset,
But inside I work up a sweat.
I am not sure who I am,
Or what's my plan.
I just want to smile,
Even if that costs a mile.
Do I belong here?
Alone and with fear?
Do I look happy?
Or rude and snappy?
I need a break,
Because my smile is so fake.
I may be mad,
Or just extremely sad.
I find my away around,
But no one dares to make a sound.
Some people are beat up inside,
Some people just want to hide.
I try to sleep a night,
But my mind has a constant fight.
I try not to look upset,
But inside I work up a sweat.
I am not sure who I am,
Or what's my plan.
I just want to smile,
Even if that costs a mile.
Tuesday, August 9, 2016
Repetition
A record on repeat.
Sometimes repetition gets tiring. After seconds, days, months, years, decades. Everyday is like a record on repeat. There's an unstoppable chain of events that will happen everyday. Slowly, people will grow old. Slowly, people will grow sad. I used to believe the world was full of color. But now, it's a polaroid. A stop in time. A photograph. I hide my fear and sadness behind a cloak of fake happiness. Knowing true happiness comes very sparsely. When happiness does come, I try to savor every moment of it. But sometimes it's hard, because there's money involved. Money doesn't buy happiness, but money does buy some experiences. You need to pay to go to an amusement park. You need to pay to go on a plane and visit family. You need to pay for gas to go to the park or camping. Once you make money, you're likely to get greedier. Once you lose money, you're likely to go into depression. Money hurts us. Money makes us happy. Money is a drug. Happiness is hard to come by, here in today's society. But, you need to know that money doesn't buy happiness. Be happy, even if it takes years to get there. In sixty seconds of sadness you lose a minute of happiness.
Breathe and see life in color.
Sometimes repetition gets tiring. After seconds, days, months, years, decades. Everyday is like a record on repeat. There's an unstoppable chain of events that will happen everyday. Slowly, people will grow old. Slowly, people will grow sad. I used to believe the world was full of color. But now, it's a polaroid. A stop in time. A photograph. I hide my fear and sadness behind a cloak of fake happiness. Knowing true happiness comes very sparsely. When happiness does come, I try to savor every moment of it. But sometimes it's hard, because there's money involved. Money doesn't buy happiness, but money does buy some experiences. You need to pay to go to an amusement park. You need to pay to go on a plane and visit family. You need to pay for gas to go to the park or camping. Once you make money, you're likely to get greedier. Once you lose money, you're likely to go into depression. Money hurts us. Money makes us happy. Money is a drug. Happiness is hard to come by, here in today's society. But, you need to know that money doesn't buy happiness. Be happy, even if it takes years to get there. In sixty seconds of sadness you lose a minute of happiness.
Breathe and see life in color.
Sunday, August 7, 2016
Change
Change.
Pretty soon, there's going to be a lot of change for me. School is approaching, seasons will be changing, and my appearance will slowly change, too. Most humans are afraid of change. We're afraid because it's the unknown, and, to us, the unknown is dangerous. I'm afraid that the unknown is bad. But, sometimes it's good. I've always felt regret, for things I've said. But, I feel like without those 'mistakes' I wouldn't be where I am today. You can't change the past, but you can create the future. Each day, we're one step closer to death. We don't know when it's going to happen, but you can't fear the future. We have to live in the moment. You shouldn't be afraid to keep on living (I'm sorry, I had to put an MCR quote in here). Life is an adventure, an ocean, a dream. Life can be whatever you make it. The only thing that I'll regret, when I'm older, is living in fear. If you don't take chances now, who knows what'll happen later. Change is scary, yeah I know that, but change can be the greatest thing that's ever happened. Change is part on nature, and you can't stop it.
There's something amazing behind those closed doors.
Pretty soon, there's going to be a lot of change for me. School is approaching, seasons will be changing, and my appearance will slowly change, too. Most humans are afraid of change. We're afraid because it's the unknown, and, to us, the unknown is dangerous. I'm afraid that the unknown is bad. But, sometimes it's good. I've always felt regret, for things I've said. But, I feel like without those 'mistakes' I wouldn't be where I am today. You can't change the past, but you can create the future. Each day, we're one step closer to death. We don't know when it's going to happen, but you can't fear the future. We have to live in the moment. You shouldn't be afraid to keep on living (I'm sorry, I had to put an MCR quote in here). Life is an adventure, an ocean, a dream. Life can be whatever you make it. The only thing that I'll regret, when I'm older, is living in fear. If you don't take chances now, who knows what'll happen later. Change is scary, yeah I know that, but change can be the greatest thing that's ever happened. Change is part on nature, and you can't stop it.
There's something amazing behind those closed doors.
Friday, August 5, 2016
Life is an Ocean
When I was younger, I believed that, by the time you're old, you would've had thousands of stories and experiences to tell to your grandchildren and children. But, sometimes, the world doesn't work that way.
Some people aren't fortune enough to go places and create memories. Some people just live in one place their whole lives and die there. Some people will never experience love. Some people won't have children. Some people can't have children. And that's sad. We pity them, because they're alive for nothing. But, we have to make the best out of it. We have to show the world that we don't care if we're alone, we're happy no matter what. My grandmother always said, "Plan for the worst and hope for the best." No matter where you end up in life, you have to be happy. I believe that life is like the ocean. The boats are people, and the ocean is your life. Sometimes you don't have boats (people) in your ocean (life). And sometimes your ocean is filled with boats. The larger the boat, the bigger impact they have on your ocean. And sometimes the tide is high, and sometimes the tide is low. The tide represents your mood. I probably sound completely crazy, but oh well! You do what you want to do with your life. Not what someone else wants you to do. You are in control, and sometimes you just have to cruise. You are unique and have dreams that you have to chase. Whether you reach your dream, or not. You have to be happy. Dreams will be crushed, and people will disappear. But, the happier you are, the stronger you will be.
Life is an ocean.
Some people aren't fortune enough to go places and create memories. Some people just live in one place their whole lives and die there. Some people will never experience love. Some people won't have children. Some people can't have children. And that's sad. We pity them, because they're alive for nothing. But, we have to make the best out of it. We have to show the world that we don't care if we're alone, we're happy no matter what. My grandmother always said, "Plan for the worst and hope for the best." No matter where you end up in life, you have to be happy. I believe that life is like the ocean. The boats are people, and the ocean is your life. Sometimes you don't have boats (people) in your ocean (life). And sometimes your ocean is filled with boats. The larger the boat, the bigger impact they have on your ocean. And sometimes the tide is high, and sometimes the tide is low. The tide represents your mood. I probably sound completely crazy, but oh well! You do what you want to do with your life. Not what someone else wants you to do. You are in control, and sometimes you just have to cruise. You are unique and have dreams that you have to chase. Whether you reach your dream, or not. You have to be happy. Dreams will be crushed, and people will disappear. But, the happier you are, the stronger you will be.
Life is an ocean.
Wednesday, August 3, 2016
Life is Hard: Part Two
It's hard to live, sometimes.
You want to give up. You want to leave this horrible earth. But, you can't. You are unique and have a whole life ahead of you. You think that you're alone, and you'll always be alone. But, that's not true. I'm here for you. You have family, people that share the same blood and genes as you. You have friends, people that would ball their eyes out if you were gone. Have you thought about the toll it would have on your friends and family? Have you thought about what you could be if you didn't end your life? You need to know that you're not alone in this world. That sometimes life isn't fair. But you need to have hope. Hope to show you that you can be whatever the hell you want to be! Life is never fair, and if you want to think that, then you won't survive out there. This world is full of people wanting to kill our dreams. Our dreams "will never happen". It's "one in a million" or "you're working so hard for something that's impossible." So what if I never got what I wanted? I worked hard, almost made it, and I failed. I failed, but I tried. I tried to make a difference and make people happy. So what if they don't care? I care. I am proud of myself, even if everyone hates me. If you have a dream, chase it. You never know what will happen if you don't try. Try to live the life you want to. Try because there are children in this world wanting what you have: an opportunity to make a difference. An opportunity to make money and have a family. An opportunity to go to school and learn. An opportunity to make a mark on this world. You are so fortunate, and you're just going to throw your fortune away because "life is hard." No. You need to try, first. If you fail, try again.
Have hope and conquer the world.
Side note - *i feel like Eminem, right now…just saying*
You want to give up. You want to leave this horrible earth. But, you can't. You are unique and have a whole life ahead of you. You think that you're alone, and you'll always be alone. But, that's not true. I'm here for you. You have family, people that share the same blood and genes as you. You have friends, people that would ball their eyes out if you were gone. Have you thought about the toll it would have on your friends and family? Have you thought about what you could be if you didn't end your life? You need to know that you're not alone in this world. That sometimes life isn't fair. But you need to have hope. Hope to show you that you can be whatever the hell you want to be! Life is never fair, and if you want to think that, then you won't survive out there. This world is full of people wanting to kill our dreams. Our dreams "will never happen". It's "one in a million" or "you're working so hard for something that's impossible." So what if I never got what I wanted? I worked hard, almost made it, and I failed. I failed, but I tried. I tried to make a difference and make people happy. So what if they don't care? I care. I am proud of myself, even if everyone hates me. If you have a dream, chase it. You never know what will happen if you don't try. Try to live the life you want to. Try because there are children in this world wanting what you have: an opportunity to make a difference. An opportunity to make money and have a family. An opportunity to go to school and learn. An opportunity to make a mark on this world. You are so fortunate, and you're just going to throw your fortune away because "life is hard." No. You need to try, first. If you fail, try again.
Have hope and conquer the world.
Side note - *i feel like Eminem, right now…just saying*
Monday, August 1, 2016
People are so Stupid
Let me embarrass myself in front the world, because I'm really good at that. Anyways, today I'm going to write about every stupid thing someone has asked or said to me. I can feel the regret, already.
1.) Stereotypical Jock
Him: "Wow, you're really nice, for an atheist."
Me internally: "Wow, and you're really smart, for a jock."
Me externally: "Uhh…Thanks?" *awkward smile*
2.) Another Stereotypical Jock
Him: "Are you a lesbian?"
Me internally: "WTF!"
Me externally: "No. Why?"
Him: "Oh, well, you know. Short hair and stuff."
Me internally: "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GOING TO STEREOTYPE ME? NOT EVERY GIRL WITH SHORT HAIR IS LESBIAN!!"
Me externally: *rude glare*
3.) Can I just wear pants in peace?
Her: "Why don't you ever wear shorts?"
Me internally: "I'm a hairy and lazy. I don't wanna shave my legs every other day!!"
Me externally: "I don't know, I just like pants."
Her: "Like, what if it's hot out?"
Me internally: "I never go outside, so that's not a problem."
Me externally: "I'll deal with the heat."
Her: "What if your legs stick to your jeans?"
Me internally: "Really?"
Me externally: "I'll wear shorts."
Her: "So you'll wear shorts tomorrow?"
Me internally: "KILL ME PLEASE!"
Me externally: "Maybe…"
Her: "Oh! This is so exciting!"
Me internally: "Somethings wrong with you."
Me externally: *awkward silence* *awkward smile*
4.) Pretty Much Every Old Lady
Her: "Oh my, look at that beautiful face."
Me internally: "You really need your eyes checked."
Me externally: "Thank you!"
Her: "Oh and her voice is like music to my ears."
Me internally: "Turn down your hearing aid."
Me externally: *fake smile*
Her: "I bet all the boys like you."
Me internally: "Not in a million years."
Me externally: "Haha. Ha. Ha."
5.) Aww, that's sweet.
Him: "I really don't want you to go to Hell."
Me internally: "Huh?"
Him: "Please believe in God!"
Me internally: "That's so sweet!"
Me externally: "No."
Him: "Okay. But, I warned you. He is real."
Me externally: "Sure he is" *sarcasm added*
Him: *exaggerated sad face*
Me externally: *happy face*
6.) Oh the 10-year-olds.
Him: "Did you fall from Heaven?"
Me internally: "Yeah I know 'cause I'm an angel'"
Me externally: "No, why?"
Him: "Cause you're an angel."
Me internally: "Get over yourself."
Me externally: "Awwwe, that's cute."
7.) My Brother is so Mean
Him: "Did you fall from Heaven?"
Me internally: "Why is he saying this?"
Him: "Because your face is pretty messed up."
Me internally: *trying to think of a comeback*
Me externally: *sadness*
Let me know if any of this has happened to you or any of your own stories in the comments. Have a beautiful day!
1.) Stereotypical Jock
Him: "Wow, you're really nice, for an atheist."
Me internally: "Wow, and you're really smart, for a jock."
Me externally: "Uhh…Thanks?" *awkward smile*
2.) Another Stereotypical Jock
Him: "Are you a lesbian?"
Me internally: "WTF!"
Me externally: "No. Why?"
Him: "Oh, well, you know. Short hair and stuff."
Me internally: "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GOING TO STEREOTYPE ME? NOT EVERY GIRL WITH SHORT HAIR IS LESBIAN!!"
Me externally: *rude glare*
3.) Can I just wear pants in peace?
Her: "Why don't you ever wear shorts?"
Me internally: "I'm a hairy and lazy. I don't wanna shave my legs every other day!!"
Me externally: "I don't know, I just like pants."
Her: "Like, what if it's hot out?"
Me internally: "I never go outside, so that's not a problem."
Me externally: "I'll deal with the heat."
Her: "What if your legs stick to your jeans?"
Me internally: "Really?"
Me externally: "I'll wear shorts."
Her: "So you'll wear shorts tomorrow?"
Me internally: "KILL ME PLEASE!"
Me externally: "Maybe…"
Her: "Oh! This is so exciting!"
Me internally: "Somethings wrong with you."
Me externally: *awkward silence* *awkward smile*
4.) Pretty Much Every Old Lady
Her: "Oh my, look at that beautiful face."
Me internally: "You really need your eyes checked."
Me externally: "Thank you!"
Her: "Oh and her voice is like music to my ears."
Me internally: "Turn down your hearing aid."
Me externally: *fake smile*
Her: "I bet all the boys like you."
Me internally: "Not in a million years."
Me externally: "Haha. Ha. Ha."
5.) Aww, that's sweet.
Him: "I really don't want you to go to Hell."
Me internally: "Huh?"
Him: "Please believe in God!"
Me internally: "That's so sweet!"
Me externally: "No."
Him: "Okay. But, I warned you. He is real."
Me externally: "Sure he is" *sarcasm added*
Him: *exaggerated sad face*
Me externally: *happy face*
6.) Oh the 10-year-olds.
Him: "Did you fall from Heaven?"
Me internally: "Yeah I know 'cause I'm an angel'"
Me externally: "No, why?"
Him: "Cause you're an angel."
Me internally: "Get over yourself."
Me externally: "Awwwe, that's cute."
7.) My Brother is so Mean
Him: "Did you fall from Heaven?"
Me internally: "Why is he saying this?"
Him: "Because your face is pretty messed up."
Me internally: *trying to think of a comeback*
Me externally: *sadness*
Let me know if any of this has happened to you or any of your own stories in the comments. Have a beautiful day!
Saturday, July 30, 2016
Be Happy.
Whenever I fell, no one was there to catch me. Whenever I cried, no one was there to comfort me. Whenever I smiled, there was no one smiling back. I've done all of the emotional repairs by MYSELF. My family was never there. My friends never existed. They never understood me and what I was going through. I always felt like I was living in a movie. Not one of those happy ending movies, or romantic comedies. More like of those crappy horror movies like Carrie. All I ever wanted was a friend that understands me. Someone that understands my family issues, my taste in music, my taste in movies/tv, and my love for cats (but who doesn't like cats?). Honestly, though, that might never happen. I might never meet someone as cool as I am *keep telling yourself you're cool, Catie…*. But maybe similarities may not matter. Maybe I always let people slip through my fingers because I never give them a chance. And I'm sorry I never gave you a chance (you know who I'm talking to). I just want happiness and comfort. Maybe I should give people more chances. Maybe I should just accept the fact that not everyone will be what I expected. I just need to pull on my big-girl pants, and show the world that I'll be okay. Even though, right now I'm not okay (My Chemical Romance, anyone?). But shit happens, and you can't stay in the darkness forever. Sometimes you need to shine light on a dark situation, even though you don't want to. Surround yourself with people that make you smile, even though those people may not understand you. Don't be alone forever, because sometimes 'the quiet is violent.'
Step away from the darkness. <3
Step away from the darkness. <3
Friday, July 29, 2016
Religion - Reciting the Catholic Bible
Religion.
I'm an atheist. I don't believe in a god or gods. I believe that all of those stories are make believe. In life there is no magic that will help you. God will not answer your prayers. God will not save your grandfather. God will not help you. I used to be a Christian, I used to pray to God that my grandfather will not die. One day I prayed so hard, I began to cry. About ten minutes later, my mother called my brother and I out to the living room. I knew something was wrong because her face was damp with tears. She told us that our grandfather was dead. That was the day that I decided that God wasn't real. Here are some reasons why you should rethink your religion. I'm not saying you should change your religion, but I want you to know these five things :
#1 God Encourages Rape
(Deuteronomy 22:28-29 NAB)
If a man is caught in the act of raping a young woman who is not engaged, he must pay fifty pieces of silver to her father. Then he must marry the young woman because he violated her, and he will never be allowed to divorce her.
So, what it's saying is the woman has to marry her attacker. That's probably one of the most idiotic things I've ever heard.
(Numbers 31:7-18 NLT)
Now kill all the boys and all the women who have slept with a man. Only the young girls who are virgins may live; you may keep them for yourselves.
So what it's saying is, after battle, you need to go into the city and murder every man, child, and woman who have slept with a man. But, you may keep the virgin girls to yourselves. This clearly stated that Moses and God encourages rape.
#2 God Encourages Murder
Anyone arrogant enough to reject the verdict of the judge or of the priest who represents the LORD your God must be put to death. Such evil must be purged from Israel. (Deuteronomy 17:12 NLT)
So anyone that doesn't listen to a priest should be killed.
Whoever strikes his father or mother shall be put to death. (Exodus 21:15 NAB)
"I hit my father once, should I be dead?" Yep, in Gods eyes you should be dead.
#3 Cannibalism
If after this you still refuse to listen and still remain hostile toward me, then I will give full vent to my hostility. I will punish you seven times over for your sins. You will eat the flesh of your own sons and daughters. I will destroy your pagan shrines and cut down your incense altars. I will leave your corpses piled up beside your lifeless idols, and I will despise you. I will make your cities desolate and destroy your places of worship, and I will take no pleasure in your offerings of incense. Yes, I myself will devastate your land. Your enemies who come to occupy it will be utterly shocked at the destruction they see. I will scatter you among the nations and attack you with my own weapons. Your land will become desolate, and your cities will lie in ruins. Then at last the land will make up for its missed Sabbath years as it lies desolate during your years of exile in the land of your enemies. Then the land will finally rest and enjoy its Sabbaths. As the land lies in ruins, it will take the rest you never allowed it to take every seventh year while you lived in it. (Leviticus 26:27-35 NLT)
If you are a sinner and disobey God you must eat the flesh of your children. Sounds like fun, am I right?
#4 No Sex During Periods
If a man lies in sexual intercourse with a woman during her menstrual period, both of them shall be cut off from their people, because they have laid bare the flowing fountain of her blood. (Leviticus 20:18 NAB)
If you'd like more information about the bible and God, please visit www.evilbible.com
I'm an atheist. I don't believe in a god or gods. I believe that all of those stories are make believe. In life there is no magic that will help you. God will not answer your prayers. God will not save your grandfather. God will not help you. I used to be a Christian, I used to pray to God that my grandfather will not die. One day I prayed so hard, I began to cry. About ten minutes later, my mother called my brother and I out to the living room. I knew something was wrong because her face was damp with tears. She told us that our grandfather was dead. That was the day that I decided that God wasn't real. Here are some reasons why you should rethink your religion. I'm not saying you should change your religion, but I want you to know these five things :
#1 God Encourages Rape
(Deuteronomy 22:28-29 NAB)
If a man is caught in the act of raping a young woman who is not engaged, he must pay fifty pieces of silver to her father. Then he must marry the young woman because he violated her, and he will never be allowed to divorce her.
So, what it's saying is the woman has to marry her attacker. That's probably one of the most idiotic things I've ever heard.
(Numbers 31:7-18 NLT)
Now kill all the boys and all the women who have slept with a man. Only the young girls who are virgins may live; you may keep them for yourselves.
So what it's saying is, after battle, you need to go into the city and murder every man, child, and woman who have slept with a man. But, you may keep the virgin girls to yourselves. This clearly stated that Moses and God encourages rape.
#2 God Encourages Murder
Anyone arrogant enough to reject the verdict of the judge or of the priest who represents the LORD your God must be put to death. Such evil must be purged from Israel. (Deuteronomy 17:12 NLT)
So anyone that doesn't listen to a priest should be killed.
Whoever strikes his father or mother shall be put to death. (Exodus 21:15 NAB)
"I hit my father once, should I be dead?" Yep, in Gods eyes you should be dead.
#3 Cannibalism
If after this you still refuse to listen and still remain hostile toward me, then I will give full vent to my hostility. I will punish you seven times over for your sins. You will eat the flesh of your own sons and daughters. I will destroy your pagan shrines and cut down your incense altars. I will leave your corpses piled up beside your lifeless idols, and I will despise you. I will make your cities desolate and destroy your places of worship, and I will take no pleasure in your offerings of incense. Yes, I myself will devastate your land. Your enemies who come to occupy it will be utterly shocked at the destruction they see. I will scatter you among the nations and attack you with my own weapons. Your land will become desolate, and your cities will lie in ruins. Then at last the land will make up for its missed Sabbath years as it lies desolate during your years of exile in the land of your enemies. Then the land will finally rest and enjoy its Sabbaths. As the land lies in ruins, it will take the rest you never allowed it to take every seventh year while you lived in it. (Leviticus 26:27-35 NLT)
If you are a sinner and disobey God you must eat the flesh of your children. Sounds like fun, am I right?
#4 No Sex During Periods
If a man lies in sexual intercourse with a woman during her menstrual period, both of them shall be cut off from their people, because they have laid bare the flowing fountain of her blood. (Leviticus 20:18 NAB)
If you'd like more information about the bible and God, please visit www.evilbible.com
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
All I Want is a Little Respect
Parents.
Parents treat us like children, yet want us to act like adults. Parents don't seem to have a connection with modern-day children, because we've grown up in a world where people expect us to be better than everyone else. Parents are hard on us, but it's for the better. They want us to succeed, and to do that they have to emotionally destroy us, first. They have to screw on our heads and take out our hearts. They have to rewire our whole system, and make us understand that we can't screw up. But we are human. Humans make mistakes, and humans need to feel love one day. You can't hold us back forever. One day we'll rise above you and be better than you. One day you'll be the one we have to emotionally repair.
All I want is a little respect.
Parents treat us like children, yet want us to act like adults. Parents don't seem to have a connection with modern-day children, because we've grown up in a world where people expect us to be better than everyone else. Parents are hard on us, but it's for the better. They want us to succeed, and to do that they have to emotionally destroy us, first. They have to screw on our heads and take out our hearts. They have to rewire our whole system, and make us understand that we can't screw up. But we are human. Humans make mistakes, and humans need to feel love one day. You can't hold us back forever. One day we'll rise above you and be better than you. One day you'll be the one we have to emotionally repair.
All I want is a little respect.
Saturday, July 23, 2016
Move Forward
Let it all go.
Whatever makes you unhappy, drop it and move on. You need to realize that nothing matters more than your happiness and well-being. You don't need to change to meet someones standards. You are beautiful just the way you are, and if they can't see that, they're not meant to have you. If you are unhappy, change what's making you unhappy, and be happy again. It's hard to let things go, and it's harder if you're being indecisive. Make the change so you can be happy again. Don't waste another minute being someone else you're not. You are beautiful just the way you are, and one day you'll find someone who really cares about you. It's okay if you feel lonely, but please understand that there are people who do care about you. Even at the darkest hour, you will still shine and be beautiful.
Move forward.
Whatever makes you unhappy, drop it and move on. You need to realize that nothing matters more than your happiness and well-being. You don't need to change to meet someones standards. You are beautiful just the way you are, and if they can't see that, they're not meant to have you. If you are unhappy, change what's making you unhappy, and be happy again. It's hard to let things go, and it's harder if you're being indecisive. Make the change so you can be happy again. Don't waste another minute being someone else you're not. You are beautiful just the way you are, and one day you'll find someone who really cares about you. It's okay if you feel lonely, but please understand that there are people who do care about you. Even at the darkest hour, you will still shine and be beautiful.
Move forward.
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Friendship…?
Friendship is an issue for me.
I wake up with one text - from my dad. I spend the day by myself, walking around town. I watch YouTube, and then I go to bed. No human contact between me and anyone else. It's lonely. I wish I had someone to talk to, to tell all of my problems to. I want to laugh until my abomination hurts. I want to cry until I don't know why I'm crying. I want to talk until my voice goes raw. I would have that if I had true friends. If I had someone there to care for me, I would have that. It sucks not having anyone there to support me. It sucks not having someone to talk to. All of my emotions are bottled up, and I'm waiting to explode. I want to feel love. I want to know that I have someone. I want happiness. I can't have happiness without friends.
Friendship is everything, yet nothing at the same time.
I wake up with one text - from my dad. I spend the day by myself, walking around town. I watch YouTube, and then I go to bed. No human contact between me and anyone else. It's lonely. I wish I had someone to talk to, to tell all of my problems to. I want to laugh until my abomination hurts. I want to cry until I don't know why I'm crying. I want to talk until my voice goes raw. I would have that if I had true friends. If I had someone there to care for me, I would have that. It sucks not having anyone there to support me. It sucks not having someone to talk to. All of my emotions are bottled up, and I'm waiting to explode. I want to feel love. I want to know that I have someone. I want happiness. I can't have happiness without friends.
Friendship is everything, yet nothing at the same time.
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
The Broken Ones
Breaking Down.
I'm breaking down. I'm worn out and I can't breathe. I feel so lost, I can't find my meaning in life. I can't think straight. I feel upset - not with myself, or my friends, or my family. I'm just upset that I am not happy. I know that doesn't make any sense. But, I try so hard to be happy and I just can't find happiness. I know I am a highly privileged individual, but money doesn't make me happy. What makes me happy is feeling safe in another's arms. What makes me happy is family and friends who support me. How am I supposed to live knowing that I might never be happy? I try to smile, but beneath this mask of fake happiness is a mess of emotions. Beneath my skin is flesh. Beneath the flesh are bones. Beneath my bones is a brain. Inside my brain are thoughts. Unbearable thoughts and emotions whirling around in a wind tunnel. Making me an emotional mess. I don't want to be known as an emotional mess, so I try to change. I start hanging out with my friends - we laugh and smile. But, it all feels unrealistic. It all feels like I'm in a movie. I don't know how the movie will end. But one day the movie will end, and so will I. Happiness is hard to find.
Try to smile today, because if you don't you won't remember today. It'll be lost in a book of 365 days. Make today count.
I'm breaking down. I'm worn out and I can't breathe. I feel so lost, I can't find my meaning in life. I can't think straight. I feel upset - not with myself, or my friends, or my family. I'm just upset that I am not happy. I know that doesn't make any sense. But, I try so hard to be happy and I just can't find happiness. I know I am a highly privileged individual, but money doesn't make me happy. What makes me happy is feeling safe in another's arms. What makes me happy is family and friends who support me. How am I supposed to live knowing that I might never be happy? I try to smile, but beneath this mask of fake happiness is a mess of emotions. Beneath my skin is flesh. Beneath the flesh are bones. Beneath my bones is a brain. Inside my brain are thoughts. Unbearable thoughts and emotions whirling around in a wind tunnel. Making me an emotional mess. I don't want to be known as an emotional mess, so I try to change. I start hanging out with my friends - we laugh and smile. But, it all feels unrealistic. It all feels like I'm in a movie. I don't know how the movie will end. But one day the movie will end, and so will I. Happiness is hard to find.
Try to smile today, because if you don't you won't remember today. It'll be lost in a book of 365 days. Make today count.
Sunday, July 17, 2016
The Doors
Jim Morrison once said, "There is the known and there is the unknown, and in between them are the doors."
That's true. There's a significant amount of the unknown, and all we have to do is walk through a door. All we have to do is do the unknown. We have to get over our fears and take that chance to do the unknown. I may sound really crazy right now, but it made sense to Jim Morrison, and it makes sense to me. The unknown is only a minute away. What will you do in the unknown? Will you conquer your fear, and walk through that door? Or will you stand in front of a closed door? Will you ever open that door?
Open that door and conquer the unknown and make it known.
That's true. There's a significant amount of the unknown, and all we have to do is walk through a door. All we have to do is do the unknown. We have to get over our fears and take that chance to do the unknown. I may sound really crazy right now, but it made sense to Jim Morrison, and it makes sense to me. The unknown is only a minute away. What will you do in the unknown? Will you conquer your fear, and walk through that door? Or will you stand in front of a closed door? Will you ever open that door?
Open that door and conquer the unknown and make it known.
Friday, July 15, 2016
For the Lonely
I'm lonely.
I know I said this before, but I have to say it again. Being lonely feels like you are in a dark room with no way out. It's like you can still see everyone around you, but no one even looks at you. It's like your "friends" can't see you, but you can see them. Being lonely is hard. Everyday it's a constant battle in my mind fighting for happiness. Maybe I'll be happy today, maybe I won't. It all depends on who I am that day. Will I be a beautiful, courageous girl or will I be a hideous, doubtful girl? I can't choose, only my emotions can. If my friends or family don't realize I'm lonely and depressed, why am I still here? Why don't I run away? There's no where to run. But, one day they'll come to me, alone and sad. And because I'm a nice person, I'll comfort them. But I hope they know that I was sad and alone once. Did they comfort me? No. So don't expect me to always be there for you, if your not there for me. If you're lonely, let's talk through it together. It's not all about you, it's not all about me, it's all about us. Let us defeat the battle of loneliness, together.
Are you lonely?
I know I said this before, but I have to say it again. Being lonely feels like you are in a dark room with no way out. It's like you can still see everyone around you, but no one even looks at you. It's like your "friends" can't see you, but you can see them. Being lonely is hard. Everyday it's a constant battle in my mind fighting for happiness. Maybe I'll be happy today, maybe I won't. It all depends on who I am that day. Will I be a beautiful, courageous girl or will I be a hideous, doubtful girl? I can't choose, only my emotions can. If my friends or family don't realize I'm lonely and depressed, why am I still here? Why don't I run away? There's no where to run. But, one day they'll come to me, alone and sad. And because I'm a nice person, I'll comfort them. But I hope they know that I was sad and alone once. Did they comfort me? No. So don't expect me to always be there for you, if your not there for me. If you're lonely, let's talk through it together. It's not all about you, it's not all about me, it's all about us. Let us defeat the battle of loneliness, together.
Are you lonely?
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
A Silent Night
A silent night.
If you listen closely to the world as you fall asleep, you realize that it's never silent. You can hear the couple next door yelling at each other. You can hear a dog bark in the distance. You can hear a single mother singing to her child.
If you lived in a world where it was silent when you fell asleep, you'd never actually sleep. Or, at least, I know I wouldn't. I would go crazy not hearing all the noises outside (or inside).
Even though those noises make me feel unsafe, it's all I ever knew. Every time I feel asleep, I listened to those noises. Sometimes they made me feel uncomfortable or unhappy, but I still slept to the noises.
The world is never silent. If it was, we'd all lose our sanity. We'd lose our minds. We'd be lost without all of the endless noise.
If you listen closely to the world as you fall asleep, you realize that it's never silent. You can hear the couple next door yelling at each other. You can hear a dog bark in the distance. You can hear a single mother singing to her child.
If you lived in a world where it was silent when you fell asleep, you'd never actually sleep. Or, at least, I know I wouldn't. I would go crazy not hearing all the noises outside (or inside).
Even though those noises make me feel unsafe, it's all I ever knew. Every time I feel asleep, I listened to those noises. Sometimes they made me feel uncomfortable or unhappy, but I still slept to the noises.
The world is never silent. If it was, we'd all lose our sanity. We'd lose our minds. We'd be lost without all of the endless noise.
Saturday, July 9, 2016
School is Approaching
School is approaching.
Time for freshman year. A year for mistakes and the "awkward stage." I'm not scared of high school, I'm just scared of what's after that. I'm scared of change. All my life I've only lived in three homes, and where I am, right now, is where I've been the longest. I don't want to move in to a room with a stranger and start being an adult. I want to stay young forever, but school is making me grow up. I can't stop change, I can only create it. I can't afford to mess up, and I don't want to.
School is hard; drama, grades, relationships. And I know at some point I will want to give up. But, I can't, I fought too hard to give up now. I have to prove to the world that I will be strong. That I will make it through this journey called high school. I have to prove to my family that I am not a failure. That I am better than my drop-out siblings. That I am not another mistake. If I complete high school and college with decent grades, I won't care about the rest of my life. I'll get a decent job, and provide myself with anything that I need. But the real accomplishment is completing over seventeen years of school. I'd be proud of myself even if my parents aren't there to congratulate me. So, future graduates, good luck, we'll both need it. ;)
Time for freshman year. A year for mistakes and the "awkward stage." I'm not scared of high school, I'm just scared of what's after that. I'm scared of change. All my life I've only lived in three homes, and where I am, right now, is where I've been the longest. I don't want to move in to a room with a stranger and start being an adult. I want to stay young forever, but school is making me grow up. I can't stop change, I can only create it. I can't afford to mess up, and I don't want to.
School is hard; drama, grades, relationships. And I know at some point I will want to give up. But, I can't, I fought too hard to give up now. I have to prove to the world that I will be strong. That I will make it through this journey called high school. I have to prove to my family that I am not a failure. That I am better than my drop-out siblings. That I am not another mistake. If I complete high school and college with decent grades, I won't care about the rest of my life. I'll get a decent job, and provide myself with anything that I need. But the real accomplishment is completing over seventeen years of school. I'd be proud of myself even if my parents aren't there to congratulate me. So, future graduates, good luck, we'll both need it. ;)
Thursday, July 7, 2016
Love and Trust
I want someone to love and trust.
Not like a dating relationship, but a friendship. I want to know that if I fall, there will be someone to catch me. And hold me until my scars heal. I want to know that if I was cold, there will be someone to give me a blanket. And hug me until I felt better.
Those people are hard to find, and easy to lose. If I ever find someone like that, again, I want to be able to know that I will never lose them. That their hand will never slip out of mine. I want to find someone that won't hesitate to call me at 3 a.m. to tell me about their life. I want to find someone that will always know how I feel. I want a lot of things, but sometimes I never get them. Will I ever find someone like this?
I want to think that I will, but I have my doubts.
Not like a dating relationship, but a friendship. I want to know that if I fall, there will be someone to catch me. And hold me until my scars heal. I want to know that if I was cold, there will be someone to give me a blanket. And hug me until I felt better.
Those people are hard to find, and easy to lose. If I ever find someone like that, again, I want to be able to know that I will never lose them. That their hand will never slip out of mine. I want to find someone that won't hesitate to call me at 3 a.m. to tell me about their life. I want to find someone that will always know how I feel. I want a lot of things, but sometimes I never get them. Will I ever find someone like this?
I want to think that I will, but I have my doubts.
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
We're All Different
From the moment you were born, you were raised to fit in with society's standards. You were raised dressed accordingly to your gender. You looked like any other baby that was born. But, you are different. You were told by Disney movies that you were special. That someday, you would get married and have kids.
But what if you went against society's standards, and changed? What if you told your parents to stop treating you like your assigned birth gender? What if you decided not to have kids or get married?
Society started changing, and evolving to the people's standards. People began accepting each other for who they are. But, there were some people that didn't accept the different. Those people began mentally abusing each other, and it soon turned into physical violence. Such as the tragic Orlando shooting. Such as every shooting that happens that everyday. Society will never change its' ways. There will always be someone out there that will hate on you.
You can't let those people bring you down. You can't hide in the shadows forever. You need to find out who you are, and you can't do that without making mistakes. If you are struggling with your self-image, you need to realize that's who you are. You can't change how you look or how you feel about people. And, if people can't accept you, I'll be there for you. You are beautiful inside and out, so don't let those people kill your dreams.
Dream on, beautiful. <3
But what if you went against society's standards, and changed? What if you told your parents to stop treating you like your assigned birth gender? What if you decided not to have kids or get married?
Society started changing, and evolving to the people's standards. People began accepting each other for who they are. But, there were some people that didn't accept the different. Those people began mentally abusing each other, and it soon turned into physical violence. Such as the tragic Orlando shooting. Such as every shooting that happens that everyday. Society will never change its' ways. There will always be someone out there that will hate on you.
You can't let those people bring you down. You can't hide in the shadows forever. You need to find out who you are, and you can't do that without making mistakes. If you are struggling with your self-image, you need to realize that's who you are. You can't change how you look or how you feel about people. And, if people can't accept you, I'll be there for you. You are beautiful inside and out, so don't let those people kill your dreams.
Dream on, beautiful. <3
Saturday, July 2, 2016
5
5 seconds. 5 minutes. 5 hours. 5 days. 5 weeks. 5 months. 5 years.
Five years from now it won't matter who I was friends with, who I dated, who I wanted to be. Five years from now, I'll be an adult. It won't matter how hard I try to stay young, I'll keep growing. Five years is a long time for me. I'm scared about who am going to be versus who I am now. I'm scared that I'll make a horrifying mistake and screw up my whole life. I'm scared to grow up. I sometimes wish that I could live in Neverland, so I'll never grow old. I sometimes wish that I could go back in time and redo what I did. But, I have to grow. I have to deal with stress and anger and frustration.
Five years ago it won't matter what I got for my birthday, or Christmas. Five years ago I was just starting 4th grade. I remember picking out the most ridiculous outfit ever. I remember starting my very first diary. But, none of this will matter to me five years from now.
Now I will try to relive my whole elementary and middle school moments. But, I can't. Because society doesn't want me to. Society forces you to grow up, even if you want to stay forever young. Now I know why my parents don't want me to grow up. Now I know why I always fear the unknown. The unknown is dangerous. Five years from now I will be living in the "unknown".
Five years from now it won't matter who I was friends with, who I dated, who I wanted to be. Five years from now, I'll be an adult. It won't matter how hard I try to stay young, I'll keep growing. Five years is a long time for me. I'm scared about who am going to be versus who I am now. I'm scared that I'll make a horrifying mistake and screw up my whole life. I'm scared to grow up. I sometimes wish that I could live in Neverland, so I'll never grow old. I sometimes wish that I could go back in time and redo what I did. But, I have to grow. I have to deal with stress and anger and frustration.
Five years ago it won't matter what I got for my birthday, or Christmas. Five years ago I was just starting 4th grade. I remember picking out the most ridiculous outfit ever. I remember starting my very first diary. But, none of this will matter to me five years from now.
Now I will try to relive my whole elementary and middle school moments. But, I can't. Because society doesn't want me to. Society forces you to grow up, even if you want to stay forever young. Now I know why my parents don't want me to grow up. Now I know why I always fear the unknown. The unknown is dangerous. Five years from now I will be living in the "unknown".
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Trust
Trust : firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
I find it hard to trust people in this cruel world. I grew up only trusting myself, and now I don't know if I even trust myself. Everything I say or do hurts someone. Every time I step outside of my house, I feel distant to the world. I feel like I want to trust someone, but there's no one to trust. I have no one. If I had to run away, I'd have no where to go. I'd have no safe haven, no happy place. I'd be alone, and scared. I'd fall apart without someone there to guide me. But, who can I trust? Everyone lies, and everyone has someone else. I have to rely on myself and my experiences. Which is hard because I've been through so much, and I break down easily. People say that it's good not to trust anybody, but here I am afraid of my reliably. I know what you're going to say, "Well, you have to trust your family". Trust my family? Ha! I feel like I don't belong to this family. Like, I am not who they say I am. I believe that they picked up the wrong baby at the nursery. I don't feel like one of them. I used to think everyone around me were robots and I was the only person with emotion. I used to think everyone felt this way, but when I tried to explain this to my friend, they thought I was crazy. I can only trust myself, and I can't open up my feelings to people because they will not understand.
Who is there to trust?
I find it hard to trust people in this cruel world. I grew up only trusting myself, and now I don't know if I even trust myself. Everything I say or do hurts someone. Every time I step outside of my house, I feel distant to the world. I feel like I want to trust someone, but there's no one to trust. I have no one. If I had to run away, I'd have no where to go. I'd have no safe haven, no happy place. I'd be alone, and scared. I'd fall apart without someone there to guide me. But, who can I trust? Everyone lies, and everyone has someone else. I have to rely on myself and my experiences. Which is hard because I've been through so much, and I break down easily. People say that it's good not to trust anybody, but here I am afraid of my reliably. I know what you're going to say, "Well, you have to trust your family". Trust my family? Ha! I feel like I don't belong to this family. Like, I am not who they say I am. I believe that they picked up the wrong baby at the nursery. I don't feel like one of them. I used to think everyone around me were robots and I was the only person with emotion. I used to think everyone felt this way, but when I tried to explain this to my friend, they thought I was crazy. I can only trust myself, and I can't open up my feelings to people because they will not understand.
Who is there to trust?
Sunday, June 26, 2016
I'm Scared
Death : the action or fact of dying or being killed; the end of the life of a person or organism.
What will happen to me once I die? Will I go to a paradise called "Heaven"? Will I go to a darkness called "Hell"? Will I be born again? I don't know. I don't know what will happen to me, or what effect it'll have on my peers. I'm scared. What if, when I die, I just float around in an eternal darkness…or nothing happens at all? What if I die not hearing the words "I love you", or not falling for someone? I want to feel alive, but each and everyday I'm slowly dying. I'm one step closer to death. I want to live to the best of my ability, but I'm too scared of the world and the hideous murders that happen everyday. I'm too afraid to go outside my house anymore, to see my friends. I'm afraid because people kill. Hundreds of people die everyday, and what if I become one of those people? Society is bad, I shouldn't be scared to leave my house. I shouldn't be scared to go to school. No one should be scared to feel alive. Why can't we just accept each other? Why can't there be peace? I'm fearful that the next generation of children will grow up in an unsafe environment. That they'll live in fear. All I ask is acceptance and peace. All I ask is love and harmony. But, all I will get is hate and death. What has our world become?
I'm scared.
What will happen to me once I die? Will I go to a paradise called "Heaven"? Will I go to a darkness called "Hell"? Will I be born again? I don't know. I don't know what will happen to me, or what effect it'll have on my peers. I'm scared. What if, when I die, I just float around in an eternal darkness…or nothing happens at all? What if I die not hearing the words "I love you", or not falling for someone? I want to feel alive, but each and everyday I'm slowly dying. I'm one step closer to death. I want to live to the best of my ability, but I'm too scared of the world and the hideous murders that happen everyday. I'm too afraid to go outside my house anymore, to see my friends. I'm afraid because people kill. Hundreds of people die everyday, and what if I become one of those people? Society is bad, I shouldn't be scared to leave my house. I shouldn't be scared to go to school. No one should be scared to feel alive. Why can't we just accept each other? Why can't there be peace? I'm fearful that the next generation of children will grow up in an unsafe environment. That they'll live in fear. All I ask is acceptance and peace. All I ask is love and harmony. But, all I will get is hate and death. What has our world become?
I'm scared.
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
Dreams
We don't learn in school. We don't learn how to write checks, make a bank account, draw loans. When we get into the real world, it won't matter about what we've been taught. In the real world we need to fight to live freely and happily. Freedom and happiness doesn't magically come from the sky. We get told that we're special, that this generation of children will succeed greatly. That we will not fail. But, that's a lie. Some of us will fail, some of us will drop out. Some of us might succeed, some of us will graduate high school and college. Some of us will be millionaires, some of us will be twenty-dollar-aires. We are not special. Some of us will fail, as some will succeed. We will be let off into the world with nothing holding us back. Nothing preventing us from making mistakes. Nothing stopping us from living like we want to. But to live your dream, you have to work for it. You have to keep climbing to the top, until you reach your goal.
Saturday, June 18, 2016
Dear Dad
Dad, sometimes I give you an attitude. Sometimes I ignore you. Sometimes I treat you like crap. But, you deal with me. You always care for me; feed me, love me, hold me. I don't show my affection for you all the time, but I want you to know I love you. You raised me, all by yourself. I can't imagine how hard it was for you. So, thank you. Thank you for making cookies with me when I felt crafty. Thank you for covering me up when I was cold. Thank you for staying up with me, even though you were tired. I'm sorry that I get mad at you. I'm sorry that I tell you I hate you. We both know that I do love you. I love you dad.
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
Who Am I?
Who am I?
A simple question is asked, and I don't have an answer for that. I don't know who I am. I'm Catie, yes, but who is "Catie"? I haven't really lived long enough to create relations with people to tell me who I am. I could say I'm creative, thoughtful, nice…but, those aren't really unique traits. I could say I'm 5'2, a brunette, and wear a size 5 in shoes…but, you could find anyone with those traits. I'm going to try to tell you who I am, but in reality I have no clue who I am. So, this is what I'd tell you if I ever met you.
"Hi, I'm Catie. I'm really awkward around people, so sorry if I seem strange. I don't have many friends, I don't know why, but that's okay. I don't need friends, because I'm better off living with four cats. I don't think I'm beautiful on the outside, but I know I am on the inside. I don't have a religion, so that makes me an atheist. I sometimes feel lonely, but that's okay… Sometimes I randomly cry because the world sucks, but I can't do anything about that. Someone once told me that 'someday you'll find who you are', but you can't find out who you are. You have to create who you are; I am Catie…"
By the third sentence the person I'm talking to has already left. I'm too weird and quirky, I guess. But, (hopefully) there's someone out there for everyone. Either it's just a friend or a soulmate, I'd be happy. So, nice to meet you, I'm Catie. :P
A simple question is asked, and I don't have an answer for that. I don't know who I am. I'm Catie, yes, but who is "Catie"? I haven't really lived long enough to create relations with people to tell me who I am. I could say I'm creative, thoughtful, nice…but, those aren't really unique traits. I could say I'm 5'2, a brunette, and wear a size 5 in shoes…but, you could find anyone with those traits. I'm going to try to tell you who I am, but in reality I have no clue who I am. So, this is what I'd tell you if I ever met you.
"Hi, I'm Catie. I'm really awkward around people, so sorry if I seem strange. I don't have many friends, I don't know why, but that's okay. I don't need friends, because I'm better off living with four cats. I don't think I'm beautiful on the outside, but I know I am on the inside. I don't have a religion, so that makes me an atheist. I sometimes feel lonely, but that's okay… Sometimes I randomly cry because the world sucks, but I can't do anything about that. Someone once told me that 'someday you'll find who you are', but you can't find out who you are. You have to create who you are; I am Catie…"
By the third sentence the person I'm talking to has already left. I'm too weird and quirky, I guess. But, (hopefully) there's someone out there for everyone. Either it's just a friend or a soulmate, I'd be happy. So, nice to meet you, I'm Catie. :P
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
Reality of Today's Society
"Catie, what's wrong?", a (so-call-it) friend asked.
"What's wrong with me", I thought.
What's wrong is everything. I hope I'm not the only person that realizes that everyone doesn't care. Have you ever wondered about those people that pass you on the highway? Where they're going? What's their story? Have you ever wondered about your existence? Why you're here? Where you're going to once you die? I do. Everyday I feel less human. I feel like my emotions are slowly deteriorating. I am becoming part of today's society. I'm slowly becoming a careless person. I can't stop it, because the impact is to hard to stop. It makes me feel bad about myself. I feel unimportant in this life… I am unimportant… What's wrong with today's society? What's wrong is that our faces are stuffed inside this inexistent world; the internet. We all have these fake lives, and all we care about is our fake lives. Little children are starting not to believe in genuine fun. No one goes outside anymore. No one speaks the truth about the world. No one stands up for themselves. No one finds true love. No one marries someone because they love them. No one expresses themselves. This is our society. I can't change the way you see things, and I'm going to try. But, don't become another copy. Be a leader, and don't walk in someone's footsteps if you don't have a good reason to… And, most importantly speak in your voice. Not someone else's.
"Catie, what's wrong?"
I didn't say the words I should've.
I just said,"Nothing, I'm fine".
But, I'm not fine, I'm not okay, I'm not happy. Someone once told me "if you're not happy, change what's making you unhappy". But, I can't change society.
"Catie, what's wrong?"
I didn't say the words I should've.
I just said,"Nothing, I'm fine".
But, I'm not fine, I'm not okay, I'm not happy. Someone once told me "if you're not happy, change what's making you unhappy". But, I can't change society.
A Forgotten Memory
Their arms crossed like broken promises,
As the wind roared high above,
Knowing her blood is no longer warm.
I couldn't say goodbye.
She was too crippled and inhuman,
Her voice no longer heard, forgotten.
She was a forgotten memory,
Lost in her heart she could hear my voice,
She could smell the roses from her garden.
I held on to her last words,
Slowly killing me from within.
Her ashes feathered in the wind,
As I said my final goodbye.
Original Poem by Yours Truly
As the wind roared high above,
Knowing her blood is no longer warm.
I couldn't say goodbye.
She was too crippled and inhuman,
Her voice no longer heard, forgotten.
She was a forgotten memory,
Lost in her heart she could hear my voice,
She could smell the roses from her garden.
I held on to her last words,
Slowly killing me from within.
Her ashes feathered in the wind,
As I said my final goodbye.
Original Poem by Yours Truly
Monday, June 13, 2016
Take a Chance
Hello. I am Catie. I'm not sure if I belong here, or anywhere, really. But, in life you have to take risks. You have to live in the moment, take a chance. Sometimes you miss that chance, that moment. You beat yourself up about it. You always think about how you never took that chance…how you missed that moment. Stop doing that. You can't think about all of the times that you messed up. Think about all of the times you actually did something, took a chance… I used to think that I'll be a screw up, someone that screws up their whole life by just making one mistake. So far, in these 14 years of being on planet earth, I haven't screwed up. I kept moving along, I never stopped my life because of some bullshit. I cried, a lot (A LOT), but I got through it. I never got hung up on something I did. You shouldn't, either. Go on out in the world and show 'em what you got. I hope I made you happy… =)
Life is Hard
Yeah, we all know life is hard. We all know that no one really cares about us. We all know that life is a game where no one wins. Why is life so hard? Why is everyday harder to live than the next? My answer is I don't know. I don't know why I struggle to smile. I just don't know, so stop asking. I feel so alone in this big world…I feel like I'm in a room of darkness with no way out. I feel lost… No one realizes that I'm so beaten down. I'm broken. If only they would see who I really was. If only I would see who I really am. But, I can't because I am no one. I'm not important here…I'm not beautiful or smart or happy. I'm just a girl that sits in the back, hoping someone will notice me. Or, at least, talk to me. I'm just a girl. I'm just someone who realizes life is hard.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)