Love.

Love is rough.

People can hurt you, without you knowing, when you think you're in love. People can control you, and manipulate you, when you think you're in love. People can be true, they could be 'perfect', but perfect isn't always what you want. Being in love is having to feel as if you're not tied down. Like, now that you're in love, you are free. Now that you've found someone that will listen and care for you, no matter what, you're happy. Or could you just be oblivious of his/her actions and ideas? You may think that you're in love, but love takes two people. They may not even love you, back. Love is rough. Shit happens and if you're not happy with your relationship, it's time for a change. Love will have tears, laughs, and hugs; but most importantly it will have happiness and memories, that can't be replaced. There will be multiple dates and people. There will be multiple tears, yelling, and saying stuff you never meant. There will be heartbreaking, sadness, and a lot of ice cream. But it was worth it, because, most likely, you will find love, one day.

You will be loved.

Body Image

HEALTHY vs. SKINNY

Sitting over a trash can, sticking my finger in my mouth. Trying to be skinny. Trying to look like a model. Why? Because the world wants skinny girls and boys. Hold on. Let's back that up. Most models starve there selves, and anorexic. Wouldn't you rather be HEALTHY? Than SKINNY? Healthy is eating nutritious food and exercising daily. Skinny is starving yourself and over exercising. Healthy is being able to control your body more, and being happy. Skinny is getting lightheaded every time you stand up, and having health issues. Healthy is being able to give birth to a healthy child. Skinny is NOT being able to give birth to a healthy child. Your body is your body, if you're not healthy, change your habits. That's life, and if someone doesn't like you for your body - who cares? If you're happy with how you look, that's all that matters.

Choose the healthy lifestyle.

Who are We?

I'm finally back! I really hope you guys didn't miss me too much, because I know I missed you! But, anyways, my life has changed a lot - but it was for the better. I'm really happy now, and I love my life. I may be a little rusty at writing, but ignore my grammatical mistakes and awkward sentances. So, anyways, please continue reading my real post…

Who are you?

Not your name, or your family, or your friends. Who are you? What do you like? Music? TV shows? Movies? Hobbies?

On Blogger we all have a 'About Me' page, but is that who we really are? I'm going to tell you who I am, and (if you'd like to) leave a comment telling me who you are.

Who am I? When I get asked this I'm not really sure how to respond. But, today, I will. Who am I? I am Catie. A girl that will sit in her room for hours writing about nonsense. I am smart. I will study for hours, but will occasionally procrastinate. I am beautiful. I hate myself, sometimes, but I wouldn't wish to be anyone else. I am funny (or so I think I am). I will make some hilarious jokes, and will make you laugh for hours. I love horror movies and shows. I could watch the TV for hours watching horror films. My current favorites are : The Walking Dead, Fear the Walking Dead, Scream the TV Series, The Conjuring, The Lazarus Effect, and so many more. I love to read. I am an avid reader of horror and suspense. Some favorites are Fangirl, Fire Starter, The Lockdown Series, The Abundance of Katherine's, and too many to list. I am a lover of music. I will listen to my playlist all day, and it never gets old. Please check out my 'Music Favorites' post to find out my favorites! I get lonely. I don't have many friends, but I'm happy with who I do have in my life. I'm happy. I love who I am, and I love what I look like. I'm happy that I am who I am, and if you don't like who I am - well, I don't care. This is who I am.

Who are you?

I'll Be Back

I'm going to take a small break from writing for a little bit, but I promise I'll be back within a week or so. There's a lot going on, right now, and I need to focus on that.

Now, imagine me in terminator voice saying : "I'LL BE BACK!"

Awake with Ideas

I close my eyes, hoping to drift away to an alternate reality. Lying down, hoping to be carried away on  a cloud.

But, my mind is too awake. I'm tired, I'm beaten down. But, I can't hide from these thoughts. The thoughts that make me wonder about everything. Like: am I supposed to be here? Or: will nature one day be inexistent? I'm scared because I don't know the answers to those questions. I'm scared because it's 2 a.m. and, for some reason, I'm still awake. I'm thriving with ideas and questions that won't happen until daybreak. Nothing good happens after 2 a.m. Speaking of, while I was on a deep Internet search I found a poem, which I want to share with you:

2:36 am

2 am is for the poets who
can’t sleep because their
minds are alive with words
for someone who’s not there.

For the alcoholics drinking
themselves into amnesia to
forget some who left.

2am is not for the lovers
asleep in each other’s arms.
It is for the lonely, the ones
who are in love with the
loved but are not loved in
return.

- L.S.

I like this poem because it's for the lonely. The ones that never get noticed, but notice everything and everyone. The lonely will thrive at night, because they will have the best ideas.

3 a.m. - time to dream.

Words CAN Hurt

Labels.

We all get labeled in life, whether it's high school drama or a stereotype. People take being labeled different ways. Some people feel insulted or hurt. Some people feel proud or happy. It all depends on what you were labeled. Sometimes you get labeled because your appearance. People believe that if you're dressed in all black you're a cutter and listen to heavy metal. People believe that if you're dressed in high-end clothes you're spoiled and don't respect lower class. Sometimes you get labeled because your color. People believe that if you're black your hair is fake and you're going to rob a store. People believe that if you're white you listen to country and you're a redneck. People believe that if you're Asian you are from China and you automatically know another language. Sometimes you get labeled for what you like. People believe that if you like heavy metal you are hardcore and will break the rules. People believe that if you're a guy and wear pink, you're gay. Will that get in the way of your happiness? You have this privilege of saying what you want. If you are feeling like shit and you hate these labels you were given, confront the person. My whole life I let people walk over me, label me because I was different. I never stood up for myself, until now. And it feels great. Words can hurt people, and if you are hurt, don't you ever back down. Put up your guard and light them up. These labels are nothing more than words. Words that mean nothing if you don't want them to. You are in control of your life, and if you change yourself to get a better label, you fell into the trap. There's no label that is good. Don't be a labeler and fight against them.

Words will never hurt you.

Music Favorites: Part Two

Hello again, world. I welcome you back into my world of music. Take a seat, any seat. But don't actually 'take' it, that's rude. Anyways, this will be a long ride. So…let's begin.
[This is in no specific order]

First, we have the X Ambassadors. Now, they hit the charts with a song called "Renegades," but have you ever heard their other songs? Their album, "VHS," has many great songs for many moods. There's "Unsteady" if you're feeling a little unsteady. There's "Jungle" if you feel like a rebellious badass. And many more. I'm really happy that I found them.

Now, we have Fall Out Boy. I've loved these guys since I began to speak (I'm lying, but just go with it.) Patrick is my little teddy bear (the awkwardness continues.) But other than that, they're music is Alternative Rock. I'm pretty sure you've heard of them, because they're popular. My favorite songs are "Dance, Dance" and "Twin Skeletons."

Next is AWOLNATION. They haven't made a song in three years, but their old songs are to die for. You may recognize them from the song "SAIL." But, that's not the only song that's great, there's more. "Kill Your Heroes" and "Jump on my Shoulders" are two of my favorites. They definitely have the whole alternative rock thing owned. You should definitely check them out.

Now we have, the adorable, Bastille. He's been coming out with a lot of good songs, lately. You may have heard him, over a year ago, with the song "Pompeii." But, he has other great songs like "Good Grief" and "Bad Blood." He definitely has somewhat of a more pop sound, but I still classify him as alternative or indie rock.

Green Day just recently released a song and announced they're going to have a new album. I'm beyond excited, because they haven't made a new album in forever.

The song "Riptide" came out awhile ago, and I never knew Vance Joy had other music! "Mess is Mine" is a great song, and it never gets old. I'm really glad I finally am listening to Vance Joy.

Magic Man is a music group that is highly underrated. I first found them by googling my name (just admit it, we all do it), and a song called "Catherine" popped up. I clicked on it and immediately fell in love. They had more songs and I listened to all of them. "Catherine" and "Paris" are my absolute favorite.

I used to watch a show on MTV called "Finding Carter" (until they rudely cancelled it), but on that show they would always link music artists on their website. A song called "Electric Love" by BØRNS was playing and I was so intrigued. I began listening to them, and they went viral (sadly). They gained a lot of fans with the song "Electric Love," but there's more. "1,000 Emerald Pools" and "Past Lives" are really good.

Linkin Park has been around for over nine years, and they recently started making music, again. They're somewhat of a popular band, and have a alternative rock and rock sound. "Points of Authority" and "In the End" are some of my favorites.

Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness has such a unique sound. They recently made a song for a Disney movie, and their fan base sky rocketed. I started listening to him awhile ago, on iTunes Radio. "High Dive" and "Cecila and the Satellite" are my favorites.

Imagine Dragons have definitely changed a lot this year. Their sound has changed, but I love it. I've been listening to them for over three years, and I have to say I love the songs "Demons" and "Friction."

That's all, for now. Leave me some music suggestions down below, and don't forget to tell me some of your favorite songs. Have a great day and stay beautiful!

Music Favorites: Part One

Welcome to my world of music. I am addicted to music, and somehow the addiction gets worse (in my sense better) each day. So take a seat (you may be here for awhile) and enjoy the read.
[These aren't in any specific order]

First off, we have twenty øne piløts. I've been listening to them since the single "House of Gold" but this year they really increased the fan base. Since their album Blurryface was released, they went on tour and hit top ten songs of the month (March) with the song "Stressed Out." Their music is so relatable and can suit many moods. It's a mixture of reggae, alternative rock, indie, rock, pop, electropop, and so many more. Not only do they have great music, but their personalities are out of this world.

Next, we have Jon Bellion. Not many people know about this musician, but he is amazingly talented. He just released the album "The Human Condition" a few months ago, and I've been obsessed. I got into his music by a boy in my history class, and I hated the music, at first. But, I started listening to his older album, "The Separation," and got hooked. My favorite songs are "2 Rocking Chairs" and "Fashion." He is more of a pop genre of music, which I tend to stay away from, but he can sing. Not like some fake Selena Gomez voice with all of those edits, but a genuine voice that can sing without any mixers or altercations.

The Neighbourhood has been one of my favorites since last year. Their album "Wiped Out" has never gotten old. Jesse's voice is amazing and the band can really play. You might recognize them from their more popular single "Sweater Weather," that came out over three years ago. My favorite songs are "Afraid" and "Daddy Issues." They have a indie vibe to their music, mixed with a little R&B and alternative. I love their music and I wish they would make new songs.

Arctic Monkeys have been around for awhile, now. They have tons of songs that I enjoy, but they're  underrated. They haven't produced any music in a few years, but the oldies are goodies. "Florescence Adolescent" and "Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High?" are my favorites. If you've never heard of them, you haven't lived.

This band is playing with my mind. They've been around forever. And it's My Chemical Romance. I love this band, but it kills me that they haven't reunited, yet. I especially love the songs "Teenagers" and "Helena." I don't think they'll ever disappear in the music world, although they stopped making music. I'll never forget you.

Melanie Martinez has been getting a lot of publicity, lately. She has gained a lot of fans, but has definitely gained haters, too. Her music style is very indie, but very pop. She has been on the Voice and she could've won, if Adam Levine tried not to change her style (no offense Adam, I still love you.) But her music style is so unique and I love her songs. My song favorites are "Dollhouse" and "Training Wheels." I hope she keeps making music.

Then, there's Bishop Briggs. She only has three songs out, at the moment, but she's killing it. She is so tumblr (I had to say it, she is the definition of a tumblr girl). She can sing, her style is so cute. I love her. You may have heard her in a car commercial, she sings "Wild Horses." She needs to come out with more music, soon.

We now have Halsey! I think Halsey is such a badass woman and an amazing musician. Her voice is something from another dimension. Her songs are beautifully written. Her hair is flawless. Her posters are so creative. If I could have a best friend, it'd be Halsey (or her actual name Ashley, it'd be tiring saying Halsey all the time!) "Trouble" and "Castle" are my favorite songs. You may have heard her on commercials and on the the soundtrack for "Snow White and The Huntsman: Winters War." I can't wait to see what's next for her.

Panic! At The Disco is my life. They've been making music for over seven years, and Brendon Urie (lead singer) just got married not too long ago! Their album "Death of a Bachelor" was one of the top selling albums, this year. I love how genuine his voice is and how great his personality is. My favorite songs are "LA Devotee" and "Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time."

So those are some of my favorite musicians and songs. I do have more, but I don't want you to spend all day reading this. Also, side note, I find it amusing that I take time to write this, but not an essay (sorry, not sorry!). I hope you liked it, and leave me comments on what your favorite music is. I have to go, before my fingers fall off from typing so much… Have a good day!

Also, this is a part one (as you can tell), there will be a part two in the future (if I don't forget.)

The Mile

…and thus begins Catie's poetry journey…

Do I belong here?
Alone and with fear?
Do I look happy?
Or rude and snappy?
I need a break,
Because my smile is so fake.
I may be mad,
Or just extremely sad.
I find my away around,
But no one dares to make a sound.
Some people are beat up inside,
Some people just want to hide.
I try to sleep a night,
But my mind has a constant fight.
I try not to look upset,
But inside I work up a sweat.
I am not sure who I am,
Or what's my plan.
I just want to smile,
Even if that costs a mile.

Repetition

A record on repeat.

Sometimes repetition gets tiring. After seconds, days, months, years, decades. Everyday is like a record on repeat. There's an unstoppable chain of events that will happen everyday. Slowly, people will grow old. Slowly, people will grow sad. I used to believe the world was full of color. But now, it's a polaroid. A stop in time. A photograph. I hide my fear and sadness behind a cloak of fake happiness. Knowing true happiness comes very sparsely. When happiness does come, I try to savor every moment of it. But sometimes it's hard, because there's money involved. Money doesn't buy happiness, but money does buy some experiences. You need to pay to go to an amusement park. You need to pay to go on a plane and visit family. You need to pay for gas to go to the park or camping. Once you make money, you're likely to get greedier. Once you lose money, you're likely to go into depression. Money hurts us. Money makes us happy. Money is a drug. Happiness is hard to come by, here in today's society. But, you need to know that money doesn't buy happiness. Be happy, even if it takes years to get there. In sixty seconds of sadness you lose a minute of happiness.

Breathe and see life in color.

Change

Change.

Pretty soon, there's going to be a lot of change for me. School is approaching, seasons will be changing, and my appearance will slowly change, too. Most humans are afraid of change. We're afraid because it's the unknown, and, to us, the unknown is dangerous. I'm afraid that the unknown is bad. But, sometimes it's good. I've always felt regret, for things I've said. But, I feel like without those 'mistakes' I wouldn't be where I am today. You can't change the past, but you can create the future. Each day, we're one step closer to death. We don't know when it's going to happen, but you can't fear the future. We have to live in the moment. You shouldn't be afraid to keep on living (I'm sorry, I had to put an MCR quote in here). Life is an adventure, an ocean, a dream. Life can be whatever you make it. The only thing that I'll regret, when I'm older, is living in fear. If you don't take chances now, who knows what'll happen later. Change is scary, yeah I know that, but change can be the greatest thing that's ever happened. Change is part on nature, and you can't stop it.

There's something amazing behind those closed doors.

Life is an Ocean

When I was younger, I believed that, by the time you're old, you would've had thousands of stories and experiences to tell to your grandchildren and children. But, sometimes, the world doesn't work that way.

Some people aren't fortune enough to go places and create memories. Some people just live in one place their whole lives and die there. Some people will never experience love. Some people won't have children. Some people can't have children. And that's sad. We pity them, because they're alive for nothing. But, we have to make the best out of it. We have to show the world that we don't care if we're alone, we're happy no matter what. My grandmother always said, "Plan for the worst and hope for the best." No matter where you end up in life, you have to be happy. I believe that life is like the ocean. The boats are people, and the ocean is your life. Sometimes you don't have boats (people) in your ocean (life). And sometimes your ocean is filled with boats. The larger the boat, the bigger impact they have on your ocean. And sometimes the tide is high, and sometimes the tide is low. The tide represents your mood. I probably sound completely crazy, but oh well! You do what you want to do with your life. Not what someone else wants you to do. You are in control, and sometimes you just have to cruise. You are unique and have dreams that you have to chase. Whether you reach your dream, or not. You have to be happy. Dreams will be crushed, and people will disappear. But, the happier you are, the stronger you will be.

Life is an ocean.

Life is Hard: Part Two

It's hard to live, sometimes.

You want to give up. You want to leave this horrible earth. But, you can't. You are unique and have a whole life ahead of you. You think that you're alone, and you'll always be alone. But, that's not true. I'm here for you. You have family, people that share the same blood and genes as you. You have friends, people that would ball their eyes out if you were gone. Have you thought about the toll it would have on your friends and family? Have you thought about what you could be if you didn't end your life? You need to know that you're not alone in this world. That sometimes life isn't fair. But you need to have hope. Hope to show you that you can be whatever the hell you want to be! Life is never fair, and if you want to think that, then you won't survive out there. This world is full of people wanting to kill our dreams. Our dreams "will never happen". It's "one in a million" or "you're working so hard for something that's impossible." So what if I never got what I wanted? I worked hard, almost made it, and I failed. I failed, but I tried. I tried to make a difference and make people happy. So what if they don't care? I care. I am proud of myself, even if everyone hates me. If you have a dream, chase it. You never know what will happen if you don't try. Try to live the life you want to. Try because there are children in this world wanting what you have: an opportunity to make a difference. An opportunity to make money and have a family. An opportunity to go to school and learn. An opportunity to make a mark on this world. You are so fortunate, and you're just going to throw your fortune away because "life is hard." No. You need to try, first. If you fail, try again.

Have hope and conquer the world.

Side note - *i feel like Eminem, right now…just saying*

People are so Stupid

Let me embarrass myself in front the world, because I'm really good at that. Anyways, today I'm going to  write about every stupid thing someone has asked or said to me. I can feel the regret, already.

1.) Stereotypical Jock
Him: "Wow, you're really nice, for an atheist."
Me internally: "Wow, and you're really smart, for a jock."
Me externally: "Uhh…Thanks?" *awkward smile*

2.) Another Stereotypical Jock
Him: "Are you a lesbian?"
Me internally: "WTF!"
Me externally: "No. Why?"
Him: "Oh, well, you know. Short hair and stuff."
Me internally: "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GOING TO STEREOTYPE ME? NOT EVERY GIRL WITH SHORT HAIR IS LESBIAN!!"
Me externally: *rude glare*

3.) Can I just wear pants in peace?
Her: "Why don't you ever wear shorts?"
Me internally: "I'm a hairy and lazy. I don't wanna shave my legs every other day!!"
Me externally: "I don't know, I just like pants."
Her: "Like, what if it's hot out?"
Me internally: "I never go outside, so that's not a problem."
Me externally: "I'll deal with the heat."
Her: "What if your legs stick to your jeans?"
Me internally: "Really?"
Me externally: "I'll wear shorts."
Her: "So you'll wear shorts tomorrow?"
Me internally: "KILL ME PLEASE!"
Me externally: "Maybe…"
Her: "Oh! This is so exciting!"
Me internally: "Somethings wrong with you."
Me externally: *awkward silence* *awkward smile*

4.) Pretty Much Every Old Lady
Her: "Oh my, look at that beautiful face."
Me internally: "You really need your eyes checked."
Me externally: "Thank you!"
Her: "Oh and her voice is like music to my ears."
Me internally: "Turn down your hearing aid."
Me externally: *fake smile*
Her: "I bet all the boys like you."
Me internally: "Not in a million years."
Me externally: "Haha. Ha. Ha."

5.) Aww, that's sweet.
Him: "I really don't want you to go to Hell."
Me internally: "Huh?"
Him: "Please believe in God!"
Me internally: "That's so sweet!"
Me externally: "No."
Him: "Okay. But, I warned you. He is real."
Me externally: "Sure he is" *sarcasm added*
Him: *exaggerated sad face*
Me externally: *happy face*

6.) Oh the 10-year-olds.
Him: "Did you fall from Heaven?"
Me internally: "Yeah I know 'cause I'm an angel'"
Me externally: "No, why?"
Him: "Cause you're an angel."
Me internally: "Get over yourself."
Me externally: "Awwwe, that's cute."

7.) My Brother is so Mean
Him: "Did you fall from Heaven?"
Me internally: "Why is he saying this?"
Him: "Because your face is pretty messed up."
Me internally: *trying to think of a comeback*
Me externally: *sadness*

Let me know if any of this has happened to you or any of your own stories in the comments. Have a beautiful day!