Be Happy.

Whenever I fell, no one was there to catch me. Whenever I cried, no one was there to comfort me. Whenever I smiled, there was no one smiling back. I've done all of the emotional repairs by MYSELF. My family was never there. My friends never existed. They never understood me and what I was going through. I always felt like I was living in a movie. Not one of those happy ending movies, or romantic comedies. More like of those crappy horror movies like Carrie. All I ever wanted was a friend that understands me. Someone that understands my family issues, my taste in music, my taste in movies/tv, and my love for cats (but who doesn't like cats?). Honestly, though, that might never happen. I might never meet someone as cool as I am *keep telling yourself you're cool, Catie…*. But maybe similarities may not matter. Maybe I always let people slip through my fingers because I never give them a chance. And I'm sorry I never gave you a chance (you know who I'm talking to). I just want happiness and comfort. Maybe I should give people more chances. Maybe I should just accept the fact that not everyone will be what I expected. I just need to pull on my big-girl pants, and show the world that I'll be okay. Even though, right now I'm not okay (My Chemical Romance, anyone?). But shit happens, and you can't stay in the darkness forever. Sometimes you need to shine light on a dark situation, even though you don't want to. Surround yourself with people that make you smile, even though those people may not understand you. Don't be alone forever, because sometimes 'the quiet is violent.'

Step away from the darkness. <3

Religion - Reciting the Catholic Bible

Religion.

I'm an atheist. I don't believe in a god or gods. I believe that all of those stories are make believe. In life there is no magic that will help you. God will not answer your prayers. God will not save your grandfather. God will not help you. I used to be a Christian, I used to pray to God that my grandfather will not die. One day I prayed so hard, I began to cry. About ten minutes later, my mother called my brother and I out to the living room. I knew something was wrong because her face was damp with tears. She told us that our grandfather was dead. That was the day that I decided that God wasn't real. Here are some reasons why you should rethink your religion. I'm not saying you should change your religion, but I want you to know these five things :

#1 God Encourages Rape

(Deuteronomy 22:28-29 NAB)
If a man is caught in the act of raping a young woman who is not engaged, he must pay fifty pieces of silver to her father.  Then he must marry the young woman because he violated her, and he will never be allowed to divorce her.

So, what it's saying is the woman has to marry her attacker. That's probably one of the most idiotic things I've ever heard.

(Numbers 31:7-18 NLT)
Now kill all the boys and all the women who have slept with a man.  Only the young girls who are virgins may live; you may keep them for yourselves.

So what it's saying is, after battle, you need to go into the city and murder every man, child, and woman who have slept with a man. But, you may keep the virgin girls to yourselves. This clearly stated that Moses and God encourages rape.

#2 God Encourages Murder

Anyone arrogant enough to reject the verdict of the judge or of the priest who represents the LORD your God must be put to death.  Such evil must be purged from Israel. (Deuteronomy 17:12 NLT)

So anyone that doesn't listen to a priest should be killed.

Whoever strikes his father or mother shall be put to death. (Exodus 21:15 NAB)

"I hit my father once, should I be dead?" Yep, in Gods eyes you should be dead.

#3 Cannibalism

If after this you still refuse to listen and still remain hostile toward me, then I will give full vent to my hostility.  I will punish you seven times over for your sins.  You will eat the flesh of your own sons and daughters.  I will destroy your pagan shrines and cut down your incense altars.  I will leave your corpses piled up beside your lifeless idols, and I will despise you.  I will make your cities desolate and destroy your places of worship, and I will take no pleasure in your offerings of incense.  Yes, I myself will devastate your land.  Your enemies who come to occupy it will be utterly shocked at the destruction they see.  I will scatter you among the nations and attack you with my own weapons. Your land will become desolate, and your cities will lie in ruins.  Then at last the land will make up for its missed Sabbath years as it lies desolate during your years of exile in the land of your enemies.  Then the land will finally rest and enjoy its Sabbaths.  As the land lies in ruins, it will take the rest you never allowed it to take every seventh year while you lived in it.  (Leviticus 26:27-35 NLT) 

If you are a sinner and disobey God you must eat the flesh of your children. Sounds like fun, am I right?

#4 No Sex During Periods

If a man lies in sexual intercourse with a woman during her menstrual period, both of them shall be cut off from their people, because they have laid bare the flowing fountain of her blood.  (Leviticus 20:18 NAB)



If you'd like more information about the bible and God, please visit www.evilbible.com

All I Want is a Little Respect

Parents.

Parents treat us like children, yet want us to act like adults. Parents don't seem to have a connection with modern-day children, because we've grown up in a world where people expect us to be better than everyone else. Parents are hard on us, but it's for the better. They want us to succeed, and to do that they have to emotionally destroy us, first. They have to screw on our heads and take out our hearts. They have to rewire our whole system, and make us understand that we can't screw up. But we are human. Humans make mistakes, and humans need to feel love one day. You can't hold us back forever. One day we'll rise above you and be better than you. One day you'll be the one we have to emotionally repair.

All I want is a little respect.

Move Forward

Let it all go.

Whatever makes you unhappy, drop it and move on. You need to realize that nothing matters more than your happiness and well-being. You don't need to change to meet someones standards. You are beautiful just the way you are, and if they can't see that, they're not meant to have you. If you are unhappy, change what's making you unhappy, and be happy again. It's hard to let things go, and it's harder if you're being indecisive. Make the change so you can be happy again. Don't waste another minute being someone else you're not. You are beautiful just the way you are, and one day you'll find someone who really cares about you. It's okay if you feel lonely, but please understand that there are people who do care about you. Even at the darkest hour, you will still shine and be beautiful.

Move forward.

Friendship…?

Friendship is an issue for me.

I wake up with one text - from my dad. I spend the day by myself, walking around town. I watch YouTube, and then I go to bed. No human contact between me and anyone else. It's lonely. I wish I had someone to talk to, to tell all of my problems to. I want to laugh until my abomination hurts. I want to cry until I don't know why I'm crying. I want to talk until my voice goes raw. I would have that if I had true friends. If I had someone there to care for me, I would have that. It sucks not having anyone there to support me. It sucks not having someone to talk to. All of my emotions are bottled up, and I'm waiting to explode. I want to feel love. I want to know that I have someone. I want happiness. I can't have happiness without friends.

Friendship is everything, yet nothing at the same time.

The Broken Ones

Breaking Down.

I'm breaking down. I'm worn out and I can't breathe. I feel so lost, I can't find my meaning in life. I can't think straight. I feel upset - not with myself, or my friends, or my family. I'm just upset that I am not happy. I know that doesn't make any sense. But, I try so hard to be happy and I just can't find happiness. I know I am a highly privileged individual, but money doesn't make me happy. What makes me happy is feeling safe in another's arms. What makes me happy is family and friends who support me. How am I supposed to live knowing that I might never be happy? I try to smile, but beneath this mask of fake happiness is a mess of emotions. Beneath my skin is flesh. Beneath the flesh are bones. Beneath my bones is a brain. Inside my brain are thoughts. Unbearable thoughts and emotions whirling around in a wind tunnel. Making me an emotional mess. I don't want to be known as an emotional mess, so I try to change. I start hanging out with my friends - we laugh and smile. But, it all feels unrealistic. It all feels like I'm in a movie. I don't know how the movie will end. But one day the movie will end, and so will I. Happiness is hard to find.

Try to smile today, because if you don't you won't remember today. It'll be lost in a book of 365 days. Make today count.

The Doors

Jim Morrison once said, "There is the known and there is the unknown, and in between them are the doors."

That's true. There's a significant amount of the unknown, and all we have to do is walk through a door. All we have to do is do the unknown. We have to get over our fears and take that chance to do the unknown. I may sound really crazy right now, but it made sense to Jim Morrison, and it makes sense to me. The unknown is only a minute away. What will you do in the unknown? Will you conquer your fear, and walk through that door? Or will you stand in front of a closed door? Will you ever open that door?

Open that door and conquer the unknown and make it known.

For the Lonely

I'm lonely.

I know I said this before, but I have to say it again. Being lonely feels like you are in a dark room with no way out. It's like you can still see everyone around you, but no one even looks at you. It's like your "friends" can't see you, but you can see them. Being lonely is hard. Everyday it's a constant battle in my mind fighting for happiness. Maybe I'll be happy today, maybe I won't. It all depends on who I am that day. Will I be a beautiful, courageous girl or will I be a hideous, doubtful girl? I can't choose, only my emotions can. If my friends or family don't realize I'm lonely and depressed, why am I still here? Why don't I run away? There's no where to run. But, one day they'll come to me, alone and sad. And because I'm a nice person, I'll comfort them. But I hope they know that I was sad and alone once. Did they comfort me? No. So don't expect me to always be there for you, if your not there for me. If you're lonely, let's talk through it together. It's not all about you, it's not all about me, it's all about us. Let us defeat the battle of loneliness, together.

Are you lonely?

A Silent Night

A silent night.

If you listen closely to the world as you fall asleep, you realize that it's never silent. You can hear the couple next door yelling at each other. You can hear a dog bark in the distance. You can hear a single mother singing to her child.

If you lived in a world where it was silent when you fell asleep, you'd never actually sleep. Or, at least, I know I wouldn't. I would go crazy not hearing all the noises outside (or inside).

Even though those noises make me feel unsafe, it's all I ever knew. Every time I feel asleep, I listened to those noises. Sometimes they made me feel uncomfortable or unhappy, but I still slept to the noises.

The world is never silent. If it was, we'd all lose our sanity. We'd lose our minds. We'd be lost without all of the endless noise.

School is Approaching

School is approaching.

Time for freshman year. A year for mistakes and the "awkward stage." I'm not scared of high school, I'm just scared of what's after that. I'm scared of change. All my life I've only lived in three homes, and where I am, right now, is where I've been the longest. I don't want to move in to a room with a stranger and start being an adult. I want to stay young forever, but school is making me grow up. I can't stop change, I can only create it. I can't afford to mess up, and I don't want to.

School is hard; drama, grades, relationships. And I know at some point I will want to give up. But, I can't, I fought too hard to give up now. I have to prove to the world that I will be strong. That I will make it through this journey called high school. I have to prove to my family that I am not a failure. That I am better than my drop-out siblings. That I am not another mistake. If I complete high school and college with decent grades, I won't care about the rest of my life. I'll get a decent job, and provide myself with anything that I need. But the real accomplishment is completing over seventeen years of school. I'd be proud of myself even if my parents aren't there to congratulate me. So, future graduates, good luck, we'll both need it. ;)

Love and Trust

I want someone to love and trust.

Not like a dating relationship, but a friendship. I want to know that if I fall, there will be someone to catch me. And hold me until my scars heal. I want to know that if I was cold, there will be someone to give me a blanket. And hug me until I felt better.

Those people are hard to find, and easy to lose. If I ever find someone like that, again, I want to be able to know that I will never lose them. That their hand will never slip out of mine. I want to find someone that won't hesitate to call me at 3 a.m. to tell me about their life. I want to find someone that will always know how I feel. I want a lot of things, but sometimes I never get them. Will I ever find someone like this?

I want to think that I will, but I have my doubts.

We're All Different

From the moment you were born, you were raised to fit in with society's standards. You were raised dressed accordingly to your gender. You looked like any other baby that was born. But, you are different. You were told by Disney movies that you were special. That someday, you would get married and have kids.

But what if you went against society's standards, and changed? What if you told your parents to stop treating you like your assigned birth gender? What if you decided not to have kids or get married?

Society started changing, and evolving to the people's standards. People began accepting each other for who they are. But, there were some people that didn't accept the different. Those people began mentally abusing each other, and it soon turned into physical violence. Such as the tragic Orlando shooting. Such as every shooting that happens that everyday. Society will never change its' ways. There will always be someone out there that will hate on you.

You can't let those people bring you down. You can't hide in the shadows forever. You need to find out who you are, and you can't do that without making mistakes. If you are struggling with your self-image, you need to realize that's who you are. You can't change how you look or how you feel about people. And, if people can't accept you, I'll be there for you. You are beautiful inside and out, so don't let those people kill your dreams.

Dream on, beautiful. <3

5

5 seconds. 5 minutes. 5 hours. 5 days. 5 weeks. 5 months. 5 years.

Five years from now it won't matter who I was friends with, who I dated, who I wanted to be. Five years from now, I'll be an adult. It won't matter how hard I try to stay young, I'll keep growing. Five years is a long time for me. I'm scared about who am going to be versus who I am now. I'm scared that I'll make a horrifying mistake and screw up my whole life. I'm scared to grow up. I sometimes wish that I could live in Neverland, so I'll never grow old. I sometimes wish that I could go back in time and redo what I did. But, I have to grow. I have to deal with stress and anger and frustration.

Five years ago it won't matter what I got for my birthday, or Christmas. Five years ago I was just starting 4th grade. I remember picking out the most ridiculous outfit ever. I remember starting my very first diary. But, none of this will matter to me five years from now.

Now I will try to relive my whole elementary and middle school moments. But, I can't. Because society doesn't want me to. Society forces you to grow up, even if you want to stay forever young. Now I know why my parents don't want me to grow up. Now I know why I always fear the unknown. The unknown is dangerous. Five years from now I will be living in the "unknown".