Breaking Down.
I'm breaking down. I'm worn out and I can't breathe. I feel so lost, I can't find my meaning in life. I can't think straight. I feel upset - not with myself, or my friends, or my family. I'm just upset that I am not happy. I know that doesn't make any sense. But, I try so hard to be happy and I just can't find happiness. I know I am a highly privileged individual, but money doesn't make me happy. What makes me happy is feeling safe in another's arms. What makes me happy is family and friends who support me. How am I supposed to live knowing that I might never be happy? I try to smile, but beneath this mask of fake happiness is a mess of emotions. Beneath my skin is flesh. Beneath the flesh are bones. Beneath my bones is a brain. Inside my brain are thoughts. Unbearable thoughts and emotions whirling around in a wind tunnel. Making me an emotional mess. I don't want to be known as an emotional mess, so I try to change. I start hanging out with my friends - we laugh and smile. But, it all feels unrealistic. It all feels like I'm in a movie. I don't know how the movie will end. But one day the movie will end, and so will I. Happiness is hard to find.
Try to smile today, because if you don't you won't remember today. It'll be lost in a book of 365 days. Make today count.
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