People are so Stupid

Let me embarrass myself in front the world, because I'm really good at that. Anyways, today I'm going to  write about every stupid thing someone has asked or said to me. I can feel the regret, already.

1.) Stereotypical Jock
Him: "Wow, you're really nice, for an atheist."
Me internally: "Wow, and you're really smart, for a jock."
Me externally: "Uhh…Thanks?" *awkward smile*

2.) Another Stereotypical Jock
Him: "Are you a lesbian?"
Me internally: "WTF!"
Me externally: "No. Why?"
Him: "Oh, well, you know. Short hair and stuff."
Me internally: "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GOING TO STEREOTYPE ME? NOT EVERY GIRL WITH SHORT HAIR IS LESBIAN!!"
Me externally: *rude glare*

3.) Can I just wear pants in peace?
Her: "Why don't you ever wear shorts?"
Me internally: "I'm a hairy and lazy. I don't wanna shave my legs every other day!!"
Me externally: "I don't know, I just like pants."
Her: "Like, what if it's hot out?"
Me internally: "I never go outside, so that's not a problem."
Me externally: "I'll deal with the heat."
Her: "What if your legs stick to your jeans?"
Me internally: "Really?"
Me externally: "I'll wear shorts."
Her: "So you'll wear shorts tomorrow?"
Me internally: "KILL ME PLEASE!"
Me externally: "Maybe…"
Her: "Oh! This is so exciting!"
Me internally: "Somethings wrong with you."
Me externally: *awkward silence* *awkward smile*

4.) Pretty Much Every Old Lady
Her: "Oh my, look at that beautiful face."
Me internally: "You really need your eyes checked."
Me externally: "Thank you!"
Her: "Oh and her voice is like music to my ears."
Me internally: "Turn down your hearing aid."
Me externally: *fake smile*
Her: "I bet all the boys like you."
Me internally: "Not in a million years."
Me externally: "Haha. Ha. Ha."

5.) Aww, that's sweet.
Him: "I really don't want you to go to Hell."
Me internally: "Huh?"
Him: "Please believe in God!"
Me internally: "That's so sweet!"
Me externally: "No."
Him: "Okay. But, I warned you. He is real."
Me externally: "Sure he is" *sarcasm added*
Him: *exaggerated sad face*
Me externally: *happy face*

6.) Oh the 10-year-olds.
Him: "Did you fall from Heaven?"
Me internally: "Yeah I know 'cause I'm an angel'"
Me externally: "No, why?"
Him: "Cause you're an angel."
Me internally: "Get over yourself."
Me externally: "Awwwe, that's cute."

7.) My Brother is so Mean
Him: "Did you fall from Heaven?"
Me internally: "Why is he saying this?"
Him: "Because your face is pretty messed up."
Me internally: *trying to think of a comeback*
Me externally: *sadness*

Let me know if any of this has happened to you or any of your own stories in the comments. Have a beautiful day!